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I recently met up with a friend I haven’t seen in awhile, and before we got together, he sent me a text where he said, “I can’t wait to see you! I’m about to provide you with a hell of a hangover.”
I of course responded and said, “Hey, I appreciate the sentiment but I am 16 years sober and do not have any interest in a hangover.”
He apologized and said it slipped his mind, and that he was instead going to help me get a food hangover from all the crap we were going to consume when we hang out. I laughed and said to count me in.
But I had a moment where I felt a little irritated. Like, come on, dude, respect my sobriety, okay? I worked really hard to get sober and I work really hard to stay sober. Please understand that.
Except… being offended by that means I have a pretty high expectation of people knowing about my sobriety. And on some level, it means I might be looking for outside validation of my sobriety when all I really need is internal satisfaction that I am doing the right things.
When we got together, he apologized for bringing up drinking, and I said no big deal. I actually meant it then… now, if he had stood in front of me right after he said it, I may have had some more irritation in my voice. But I needed to right-size myself and not pin my own self-esteem about recovery on somebody else.
I also caught my back going up for a millisecond recently when I celebrated 16 years sober at some meetings. I had some very good friends jokingly say, “Holy s**t, I never would have guessed you’d have 16 years of sobriety.” They were purely joking, and I laughed, and they laughed. But I did have a mopey moment or two where I reflected back and thought, “Was he really trying to say I used to be a mess? Was I? Even if I was, what a rude thing to say!”
That was a bunch of nonsense, too. I think if you can’t laugh about the mis-steps of the past, you’re in trouble. Joy and laughter are the main reasons I do this podcast and newsletter—it helped me when people laughed at meetings and could poke fun at themselves without blowing a gasket. I needed to know that recovery wasn’t drudgery, that it was happy, joyous and free. So that’s where I ended up landing this week. I need to respect my own sobriety enough to not get disrespected by an offhand comment (or three!).
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
"I was always the black sheep of the family. Then I joined AA and found the rest of the herd."
(Credit: Grapevine, March 2009, by C.W.)
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