Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
This past weekend was Mother’s Day, and I found myself fondly remembering one of the first meetings I ever went to. I’d raised my hand and said I only had two or three days sober, and a guy came up to me afterward and said, “Make sure you stick around for awhile, for the cash and prizes.”
I was like, “Really? What kind of cash and prizes?”
He smiled and told me to keep coming, then walked away.
I was brand new, so I distinctly recall thinking there must be some sort of raffle or lottery for people who stay off the pills and booze. “This program is so cool,” I thought. “Not only do people help me quit drinking and drugging, they also apparently help me pull in a few extra bucks!”
A few weeks into hitting 12-step meetings, though, I started to realize what he meant. I celebrated an alcohol-free Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family for the first time since I was a kid, and on both holidays, I was Present—with a capital P.
I hadn’t gotten anybody a real gift for Christmas in years. I was one of those people running through the aisles of pharmacies on Christmas Eve looking for gift cards and candy to give people. If you got a gift from me—and that was a big if—it probably came carefully wrapped in a Walgreens plastic bag.
Now here I was, clean and sober, putting actual thought into things, and people didn’t know what to do!
That’s when it started to hit me what the cash and prizes were—that I’m sober, I am re-engaged in life, enjoying family and friends, giving and receiving love, exchanging gifts, and everything else that comes with being a real live human being.
Listen, I won’t b******t you, some of the prizes have fine print at the bottom, the same way winning lottery tickets inform you on the back that that $10 mil you just won probably ain’t gonna actually add up to $10 mil.
So yeah, there’s some tough parts to actually be present. Like last night, one of my kids had some serious complaints to air out. The house was chilly, dinner sucked, she needed a new phone, there’s nothing to do and this is so boring and why can’t we have more TVs and blah blah blah.
Then she said, “Dad, can you go get me ice cream at the store?”
Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhh, please allow me to rush right over to the grocery store and take care of that. And while I’m gone, here’s a customer complaint box for you to continue to fill up, then I’ll reward you with some Cookies N Cream as soon as I get home.
The “cash and prizes” in that scenario is what I didn’t say or do. What I told her instead is that I would be more likely to listen to her requests if they weren’t preceded by such a long string of gripes.
She said, “Sorry, didn’t mean to hammer you, I had a long day and I’m tired.” Brief pause. “Now can you go get me ice cream?”
She is an awesome kid and she was right that she had had a long day. She works really hard and deserves a momentary vent session. So I said yes, I’ll get you some ice cream. If there were a parenting report card every three months, I don’t think I’d get straight As… but I also don’t think I’d have any Fs. That’s cash and prizes, too.
So with only moderate levels of annoyance, I went and got the ice cream, and she was very appreciative of that.
I ain’t gonna lie, I was still a little annoyed on the drive over there so I smashed a bag of gummy bears on the way home in a way that would bring me great embarrassment if you saw me doing it. Luckily, there were no paparazzi trailing me, though, so I got away with it.
R.I.P., gummies!
ALCOHOLIC JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke.
What’s the difference between a sponsor and a therapist?
Every time a sponsor uses the word “closure,” it’s immediately followed by “your mouth.”
If you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m not putting anything behind the paywall for a little while longer, so if you choose the free option, you’ll receive everything without paying. If you’d like to contribute anyway, many thanks.
