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I saw Matthew Perry out on the book hype tour recently, and he seemed to be well on the road to recovery. The book is called “Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing: A Memoir.” I don’t think I will buy the book myself but it sounds like an interesting window into addiction and sobriety. Personally, I did not like that he took a few pretty mean swipes at Keanu Reeves, who has a 100 percent approval rating at my house and will not be bad-mouthed under any circumstances.
But man, his story is brutal and powerful. He talked about having had more than 10 surgeries, and going to rehab at least 10 times, and he says he has been to 6,000 12-step meetings in 20 years of trying to get sober. He says he’s clean and sober these days after battles with both alcohol and opiates over the past quarter-century.
In the interview I saw, he told a wild story to Bill Maher on his HBO show about going to open houses in Hollywood and raiding medicine cabinets. Bill Maher was blown away, but I found myself saying, “Uh, yeah, I’ve done worse, and you hear stuff like that at every other 12-step meeting. Why are you so stunned?” But I guess because it’s a part of my world every day, it starts to feel a little normalized. It’s definitely not normal. So it was helpful to see a normal person process that information and see his jaw hit the floor. My stories are funny and mind-blowing now, but that’s only because I processed the shame of what’s pretty shameful behavior.
He also told a story about his colon basically exploding from the years of opiate abuse. And when he was in pain after the colon surgery from opiate abuse? He wanted opiates. Addiction is a real b*****d of a disease.
That story was a great reminder to me about the physical damage that alcohol and drugs did to my body, and it gave me a tremendous sense of gratitude. As far as I know, I have no liver damage, no brain damage, and no exploding colon. In fact, I think I might be in the best shape of my adult life right now.
As Perry and Maher discussed on the show, it’s a testament to my body’s ability to recover along with my mind and spirit. I also said a little prayer of thanks to my higher power, too, because I easily could have a bad liver or kidneys or 10 other ailments due to severe alcohol and drug abuse. And I don’t. So, thank you, higher power!
The other thing that jumped out at me was the sheer math of Perry’s addiction. I’m not going to get into the 6,000 meetings number because I’m calling b******t on that one. That’s about 300 meetings a year for 20 years, with stretches of active addiction mixed in… that number felt a little inflated to me but who am I to be fact-checking the dude’s meeting count?
I will talk about the surgeries and treatment centers, though. Having 10-15 surgeries and going to rehab 10-15 times is among the highest numbers I’ve ever heard… but I can’t say I think those are Guinness world records or anything. I’ve had 5-plus surgeries in my life, and met lots of people who needed somewhere around 10 trips to treatment facilities.
I don’t really have a point here other than the idea that it takes what it takes. Sometimes that’s one trip to a psychiatric hospital. Sometimes it’s one trip to rehab and 90 days in jail. Sometimes it’s five surgeries and one divorce. I need to remember that next time somebody new is struggling and I am pulling my hair out trying to help them. Their bottom is their bottom. Hopefully it’s not as high as the guy who played Chandler Bing, but if so, at least Matthew Perry is a good example of somebody who never stopped trying.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
HEARD AT MEETINGS
The trouble with staying home alone and isolating is you get a lot of bad advice.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, December 2000, David F. from Manhattan, NY)
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