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I’m in the middle of a rough stretch. There’s nothing hugely problematic going on at home or at work. I haven’t skipped a bunch of meetings. I’m doing service work, making calls, all of the things you’re supposed to do. Family is fine. Cats are fine. I can pay my bills.
And yet… I am salty and mopey and way more ready to rumble than I should be. I don’t handle those days well, because I feel like that guy in the movie who clips the blue wire on the ticking bomb, and the bomb just keeps ticking down anyway. “I did everything right! What the hell? Make it stop!” is sort of the voice in my head.
So I did a few things that always help.
* Breath and remember, this is a normal thing that happens all the time: That’s the truth. Addicts and non-addicts, monks and non-monks, we all have those days. Beat yourself up with a feather, not a baseball bat.
* Went to a meeting: Duh, that’s Recovery 101.
* Prayed for help: Do I know exactly what I am praying to and when the help will arrive? Nope. But it still adds up to something.
* Did something—anything!: I usually laugh at the whole “Move a muscle, change a thought” because I move around a lot all the time, and it never feels like a magical cure. However… when I am in a dark place, I do find that I slow down. I sit in chairs and stare at my phone or TV shows. So moving a little bit gets me out of the self-pity swamp, even for a little while. That helps. It really does.
* Eat something shitty: I’m sorry, this is not the most spiritually sound solution. But I do find that, when I am really gritting my teeth and scuffling, eating two peanut butter cups or three peanut butter cups or six peanut butter cups or seven peanut butter cups… but never eight, that would be disgusting… I do get some relief. It isn’t physically healthy but it does boost my spirits a little bit. I never forget that the awesome recovery book Living Sober has a chapter titled, “Eating or drinking something—usually, sweet” that talks about how sometimes you can pound a candy bar if you’re in a bad place. Of course… I am reading that the way that I want to read it, not necessarily how the authors intended it. The chapter does not recommend a foundation of your sobriety be based on cleaning out the Walgreens candy aisle. Far from it. It’s mostly recommending that you only push that button if the situation is truly dire. However… I’m smashing some peanut butter cups if I am having an ugly day.
So I did all those things. I had some junk food and watched some sports, cut myself some slack and felt a little better. And that’s ok. I went to bed and woke up in a better place. All because of my miraculous peanut butter cup method!
Just kidding. The answer is a spiritual solution, blah blah blah… fine, I get it.
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke.
A true story: I recently attended an AA picnic in my home town. We were joking and having a good time, when the five-year-old daughter of a fellow home-group member won a prize in the sack race. “That’s mine!” I told her playfully. “Give it here.”
“I’ll tell my Mommy,” she replied, clutching it to her chest.
“I don’t care,” I said, tugging at it. “I want it.”
“I’ll tell my Daddy,” she threatened.
“I don’t care. I want it,” I replied.
“Who’s your sponsor?” she shot back. She’d won our little battle.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, November 2000, Joe)
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