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I don’t pray as much as I should. I wish I could get more into it, and not just do it when people remind me.
But honestly, it’s always been a weak part of my program, and deep, deep down, I think the truth is, it’s always going to be a struggle.
I have, though, been thinking lately about what my favorite, most underrated sobriety prayer is.
I love the serenity prayer, which I think everybody knows and therefore can’t really be underrated.
I love the Seventh Step prayer, which goes:
* My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here, to do your bidding.
I like the Third Step prayer, which begins, “God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt…”
I know some people like the Lord’s Prayer, but that one’s not for me. I just don’t love it in my own program. In fact, when the chairperson says we’ll close with a prayer or a silent meditation of your choice, I choose the silent meditation.
I also have a deep appreciation for the idea of prayer for others in sober literature, where it’s suggested that when we have a resentment for someone, come up with the very best, well-meaning prayer possible and do it for two weeks. I have used that concept many, many times over the years, and it has worked 100 percent of the time for me.
But none of those are my No. 1 most underrated prayer. That honor goes to the Set Aside Prayer, which goes like this:
* God, please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself, the 12 steps, the Big Book, the meetings, my disease, and you, God, so I may have an open mind and a new experience with all these things. Please let me see the truth.
Oh man, that prayer really hits home for me right now, because I continue to be reminded that knowledge isn’t always my friend. I’ve been sober since 2008. I’ve read all the books and worked the steps and been to roughly 3,000 meetings. I know the stuff you need to know. But that knowledge only gets me so far. It’s a little like if I memorized the Buffalo Bills offensive playbook and knew every single assignment of every player on the field… that doesn’t mean I can play in the NFL! The knowledge only gets me so far.
This analogy falls apart a little bit because I never had the athleticism to play in the NFL, but you get my point: Knowing stuff is a great starter kit for sobriety, but there’s so much more to it than that.
And that’s why I love the part about asking God to help me put down all my experience and expertise at the door of every meeting, and go in looking for a new experience. And that s**t happens, doesn’t it? How many times have you been at a meeting and heard someone say, “Geez, I’ve read this part of our literature 100 times and I never noticed that.” I’d argue that they probably did read it before, but they’re at a stage in their recovery where that section now applies in a new way that they’re just catching in the moment.
I will say that as I was writing this entry, I pondered who I’ve heard say that over the years, and it’s often the people I see at the most meetings, with the kind of recovery that I want—it’s people who never consider themselves finished products who got their masters degree in sobriety and are peacing out. They’re the people who are setting aside everything they think they know, and seeing the benefits.
So as of Sept. 22, that is my favorite prayer. I wrote “as of Sept. 22” because it dawned on me that there is a paradox of how the prayer itself applies to the prayer—I am going to try to wake up on Sept. 23 and have set aside everything I think I know about my favorite prayers, just like everything else!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
The drunk was applying for a new job. A serious-looking personnel manager told her that the company needed an individual who was very responsible.
"I sure qualify, then," she said. "Everywhere I've worked, whenever something went wrong, I was responsible."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, December 2008, by Bob M. of Green Valley, Arizona)
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