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I was at a meeting the other day when we read the 12-step tradition that says certain fellowships ought to have no opinion on outside issues. I have to say, the longer I’ve been sober, the more grateful I am for that tradition.
When I first got sober… not so much. I really worried about this one, and most of that worry was related to not understanding that tradition correctly. In general, I was very concerned about the idea of becoming the hole in the donut, as our literature states. I thought without drugs and alcohol, I wouldn’t be at bars, and I’d be lame at weddings and work functions and birthday parties and at Super Bowl watch parties. Then I get into the rooms of recovery and I hear we can’t have opinions? What the hell?!?!
Luckily, newcomers are supposed to get a sponsor, and sponsors generally have been around the block for awhile. So when I brought up with my sponsor that I was concerned about being a robot with no opinions, he laughed and said, “It says 12-step programs shouldn’t have opinions on outside issues. It doesn’t say anything about you having an opinion.”
Holy s**t—I realized he was right, and then we talked for a bit about how nice it was that 12-step recovery programs don’t endorse political candidates or get involved in local zoning law squabbles or make campaign contributions or lobby Congress or protest against causes. He recommended I do some reading about past mistakes that some sober groups had made, and sure enough, there had been many thorny issues over the years where the pioneers of sobriety drifted from their primary purpose and it did not go well. I’m so thankful that they figured that stuff out 50-plus years ago and we can now walk into recovery rooms where the vast majority of people recognize the brilliance of that strategy.
And I don’t know of any part of recovery literature that says anything about me having opinions in my personal life. Hell, I could run for president of the United States and have all sorts of opinions. I can campaign for causes, protest for or against wars, anything.
All that said, I have found that the traditions of 12-step recovery are helpful tools for both the group and for me as an individual. I have written quite a bit on this newsletter about struggling sometimes to keep my mouth shut and getting into trouble by offering unwanted opinions.
That’s the key—how often do I offer opinions that I was asked for versus opinions that nobody asked for? The truth is, out of every 100 times I hand out an opinion these days, I would say less than 10 were asked for. So after initially not loving this tradition… maybe I could use as much of that tradition in my life as possible.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
After completing the Fourth Step, Johnny was faced with some big chunks of truth about himself. Hoping to hang on to a few of his character defects, he visited his doctor seeking validation.
"Doctor," he cried. "I'm just not able to do all the things around the house that I used to do."
When the doctor's examination was complete, Johnny said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said Johnny. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
(Credit: Grapevine, Nov. 2009, by Christopher K of Lexington, KY)
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