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A huge part of what I call my higher power is the core belief that I trust the universe. Call it “what goes up must come down,” or “what goes around comes around,” or whatever you want—I believe that if you do good things and put out good energy, it will all work out.
Or something like that.
So my mother-in-law visited us recently, and it was maybe the best visit we’ve ever had with her. One big reason is that I really worked hard on not responding to any hot takes that she might have. She’ll throw out an opinion and ask what I think, and the correct answer is “Hmm, I don’t know.”
And. That. Should. Be It.
“Hmm, I don’t know.”
I don’t know why I can’t seem to always answer that way, and not respond to an invitation to argue. But I can’t, ok? It really has nothing to do with her, either—I will argue with anybody at any time for any reason for any length of time. I’ve gotten better, and tend to skip some of the fights I am invited to. But… there is still work to be done.
It’s so silly, too. And let me tell you, it does not matter who the other person is, they almost never change their mind if you argue with them anyway. It really is like yelling into the ocean. What? Is? The? Freaking? Point?
And yet… I get sucked in. On this visit, I was at 100 percent avoidance for the first four days. It was going great. No arguments about food, or religion, or politics, or anything else. Just a lot of head nodding and listening, with no response. I was actually just being present with her.
Then she mentioned how she doesn’t like to travel any more because of how difficult it is, especially flying. She mentioned a few anecdotal examples of people having their flights canceled, and a crash landing on a lake, and a couple of other things that never actually happen… but happened once 10 years ago and were mentioned on The Today Show at some point.
I couldn’t help it. I found my lips struggling to stay shut, and then they weren’t shut. I was talking, and I was saying something like, “Well, I travel once every two weeks, and I probably am on 100 flights per year, and I never have any issues. I love flying. I see a social media post once in a while about getting stranded at an airport or stuck on the runway for 8 hours and I just don’t see it. Flying is great!”
Holy s**t, what a moron. It didn’t even spark much of a back and forth between us. She just nodded and said, “I don’t know,” in a tone where she clearly did know and that she didn’t want to bicker about it.
But I will tell you what it did spark: enormous laughter from my higher power. Because as I type this, I am on the work trip from hell. I had four flights with American Airlines, and all four got cancelled. A replacement flight got delayed six times in four hours, and it took off at 12:35 am to a city I hadn’t planned on going to. I went home and rebooked travel for the next day, then I got a terrible seat by a screaming baby and a lady who was losing it about the poor screaming baby 10 rows back. As I hustled to get out of that shitshow when the plane landed, I realized my AirPods were still on the airplane somewhere. Where? No idea. I searched all around on the floor and couldn’t find them. They’re supposedly still somewhere within the Detroit Airport but there’s a good chance I just donated them at the altar of my higher power.
I’m telling you this story because it really is a hilarious window into what the kids say these days: Don’t start none, won’t be none. In other words, if you stay out of unnecessary fights, maybe you won’t find yourself in any unnecessary fights. And if you do decide to engage in an unnecessary scuffle, just know that your higher power and American Airlines will be watching.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
AN OLD NEWS REPORT CARRIED AN ACCOUNT OF A DRUNK who nearly killed himself in an auto crash. A few days later, his doctor told him he was lucky to be alive. "I guess someone up there likes me," said the alcoholic.
"Either that," said the physician, "or they sure as heck don't want you!"
(Credit: AA Grapevine, August 2004, by Anonymous)
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