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I went to a great meeting the other day, where I heard a newish guy speak about his experience, strength and hope. He did a great job.
Just one problem: Somebody sitting near me reeked of alcohol. Was it deodorant? Aftershave? Mouthwash? I don’t know, but I don’t think so. It smelled very much like alcohol, and I had a hell of a time smelling that for an hour.
I should say that I’ve smelled alcohol many, many times over the years, and it is mildly unpleasant. But I haven’t had it up my nose for an hour straight since my last drink, in winter of 2008. So the intensity of it, while listening to a story of drunken craziness, was a tough 1-2 punch.
Another thing that hit me was that as a sober person, the smell is actually kind of gross. I guess it would have an appeal if I was still drinking because I’d want the side effects of a drink. But there’s a reason they don’t make car air fresheners or candles that are called “A pint of vodka” or “Old bar-scented”—I found it to be quite gross.
On the way home, I had a little laugh to myself about how we often say to avoid people, places and things in early recovery. But I would add smells to that list, too, because it was a very visceral trigger for me that night. I didn’t want to drink; I just felt rattled and too close to alcohol.
I could tell it had gotten into my psyche because I could smell alcohol in my nostrils for about 24 hours afterward. I knew I wasn’t actually smelling alcohol, but it’s like my mind trapped the smell in there. It was strange to be smelling something that you knew you weren’t smelling, but I have that issue sometimes at pharmacies, too. I spent so much time getting pills over the years that the smell of pharmacies and pill bottles still can hit me and cause me to have a Pavlovian response. It can be strange to be at Walgreens buying peanut butter Easter bunnies and suddenly have an urge to buy pills, but it happens.
I also had a drunk dream later that weekend, and I rarely have those any more. I completely blame the smell of that drunk guy at the meeting, because it still seemed to be in my head all weekend. I went to another meeting a few days later, still thinking about how much I dreaded that smell, and I ran into a sober friend of mine who works out a lot. Apparently he had worked out before the meeting, because he was smelling a little gamey, like an old gym sock.
On the way home, I had to chuckle thinking about how I guess I would rather smell BO than liquor… but maybe my nose could get a few days off from smelling anything at meetings?
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
An inebriated lady was weaving down the street carrying a box with perforations in the lid. A friend stopped her and said, “My word, what have you got in that box?”
“It’s a mongoose,” said the lady, with a hiccup.
“What on earth for?” said the friend.
“Well, you know how it is with me. I’m not very drunk now but I will be soon, and when I am, I see snakes and I’m scared of ‘em, and that’s what I got the mongoose for—to protect me.”
“But,” said the friend, “those are imaginary snakes.”
“That’s all right,” said the woman. “This is an imaginary mongoose.”
(Credit: AA Grapevine, April 2000, Diana L. from Tulelake, California)
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