If you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!
I was at a meeting a few months ago and someone mentioned they’d gotten into a romantic relationship at rehab with someone else who had only a few weeks sober. It did not turn out well for either one of them. He was making the point that he hadn’t been ready for a relationship, and yet… he couldn’t resist. And he mentioned the phrase, “Two sickies don’t make a welly.”
I started laughing because I thought the guy invented a brilliant new sober slogan on the spot, but then people kept sharing about that exact thought as it went around the room. Turns out, this is a phrase that people use quite a bit, and I somehow either never heard it or missed it when somebody else shared it over the years.
I certainly understand the original meaning about romantic relationships. I remember early on in sobriety hearing over and over again to not make any big decisions for the first year. That meant getting into or out of romantic relationships, quitting a job, moving five time zones, etc. But mostly, it seemed like the romantic relationship thing was the biggest tripwire for those in early sobriety. I was already married when I got sober, but I definitely understood how exciting and dangerous it would be to have a month sober and meet somebody new. Early sobriety was really tough for me, so I certainly could see how a new girlfriend or boyfriend would help make the days go a little faster for other people.
But like I said, I didn’t have the experience of trying to stay single and sober at the same time. What I can identify with is the idea of having a sick mind and then getting into any kind of relationship with other sick minds. It wasn’t romantic, but I latched onto a bunch of people at rehab and in the rooms who had the same amount of sobriety as me and I had two very different experiences.
One type of experience was awesome. There’s nothing quite like standing along side people as we all get one month sober, and then two months, and then three months. You feel like you’re on a scrappy underdog team of people fighting and clawing for the same goal.
On the other hand, it was also really risky to surround myself with people who were all rookies at this sobriety thing. I had a good friend who relapsed about two months in and it was devastating. I had been spending some time with him outside of meetings, and I wonder what would have happened if I’d gotten together with him and he sweet-talked me for awhile into having a drink or smoking a joint or popping a pill or two. I was still pretty impressionable.
Luckily that didn’t happen, and I’ve put together some time. Now I see the mix of sickies and wellys that work the best for my sobriety. I always need to be working with newcomers but I need about a 5-to-1 ratio of longterm sober people and newly-sober people. I am still a sickie some days and need a welly or five to help me turn it around. And some days, I am the welly and it’s good to work with a sickie.
It all reminds me of the first time I ever got asked to drive somebody to rehab. I immediately said yes, but then I called a few guys who’d driven people to treatment before. And each one of them said, “Whatever you do, don’t take him alone.” I was confused by that, and luckily somebody explained that it can be a brutal sight and a brutal car ride that can go a lot of different ways, and that it can suck the sobriety right out of you to be that close to the sun by yourself. One guy told me, “You probably won’t relapse yourself. But you’ll want backup.”
Sure enough, I buddied up and we took the guy. It was pretty good, but driving there was tough. I heard a lot of sick thinking about how this guy ended up where he was (a hint: almost none of it was his fault). And dropping him off and walking out the door brought some tears to my eyes—hearing the door lock behind me was daunting.
On the way home, I found great comfort in having another sober guy there. And as polluted as my brain had felt at the midpoint of our trip, my head felt a lot better talking it all through on the way home. So even though I didn’t know the old phrase “two sickies doesn’t equal a welly” back then, I had sort of experienced it.
That day, I think it was one sicky and two wellys, which ended up equaling about 1.5 wellys!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
“They got me for a DUI last night," a drunk raged to his friends. "But I think I'll win this case. They were profiling!"
"Profiling?" questioned his buddies.
"Yeah, last night the cops were stopping everyone driving on the sidewalk."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, by Richard M. of Golden, Colorado, March 2007)
Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com.
