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Earlier this week, I went to a large meeting that I hadn’t been to recently, and I was surprised that they’d done a significant format change. The meeting had gone from a show of hands to popcorn style, where every person who shares picks the next person to share. The change was made for good reason—at this meeting, there are typically about 75 people and yet there will be long gaps where nobody raises their hand to share. The theory was that this would spark less stretches of silence, and it seems to have worked.
I am a fan of those kinds of meetings, but only if they include the same thing this meeting adopted—that the popcorn style would end with 15 minutes left and they’d go to a show of hands. That way, anybody who doesn’t get picked still has an opportunity to share. I don’t love meetings where it goes around the room or is only popcorn style, because I always worry that someone who really needed to speak would come to a meeting and then not get a chance.
Popcorn style definitely has its downsides. Sometimes popcorn style can mean only a select group of friends gets to share because a clique keeps picking members of that clique. I also think some people would rather not be caught off guard by getting chosen unexpectedly, though they can always say, “I think I’ll pass,” and pick someone else.
This got me thinking about what the best styles of meetings are. So I went through all of the formats I’ve experienced, and I realized that I have been to about 50 different types of meetings. Which is my favorite?
Well, as usual, I found it easier to start with the kinds of meetings that I DON’T like.
I don’t love any meeting where we read an entire section of the Big Book. Those meetings have a purpose, for sure, because it’s a very good way to get knee-deep into the literature. I have read the entire Big Book more times at meetings than sitting at home reading it. But I don’t love when 30-plus minutes of a meeting get swallowed up by just reading out loud. I’ve been at meetings where there are 30 people and we end up with 16 minutes for sharing.
That also applies sometimes to meetings where we read an entire step from the 12 and 12. Again, I’m not at a point in my recovery where I want an entire meeting to be eaten up by reading out loud. With the 12 and 12, there are times when I have read a specific step several times in the same month, and I don’t always love that.
I’ve also found myself shying away from speaker meetings for similar reasons. I do like hearing people share their stories of experience, strength and hope, but I don’t love when the person shares for almost an hour straight. I’ve been to a few speaker meetings that I really enjoyed because they asked the speaker to limit their story to 20-30 minutes, so I’d say I rank that format ahead of open-ended speaker meetings.
One more that I don’t love: when the chairperson can pick any topic they want. I’ve been to meetings where people bring in poems or songs or just randomly pick a topic that’s on their mind, and I am not a fan. I have found that when that happens, sometimes the meeting drifts away from its primary purpose—sobriety—and can turn into a therapy session.
OK, so what do I like?
I like Daily Reflections meetings. The readings are short and sweet, and then the chairperson can share and open it up to the room.
I like meetings where it goes around the room, but saves 15 minutes at the end for anybody who needs to raise their hand to share.
I have been to a few meetings where a speaker shares on a step of their choosing for 10 minutes, then the meeting opens up to others.
I like As Bill Sees It meetings. That book is underrated, in my opinion, and I have only ever been to one meeting where that is the format. I like As Bill Sees It because it is a book of short-ish readings, and I like that it combines readings from official conference-approved literature, with Grapevines, letters and other writings from Bill W.
I guess I would close by throwing out an important caveat—that I actually pretty much love every meeting I have been to. I have almost a 100 percent success rate when I get to a meeting, regardless of the format. So please consider the above thoughts to be like me choosing between amounts of money that I found on the ground. In other words, they’re all pretty damn great.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Typing an email message while tipsy could cause some serious harm. Consider the case of the practicing alky who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the following day. When he reached the hotel after several drinks on the plane, he went right to the hotel bar and kept drinking. When he finally went up to his room, he decided to send his wife a quick E-mail. Unable to see the screen clearly, he managed to type the message with one eye closed.
Unfortunately he missed one letter, and his E-mail was directed not to his wife but to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only days before. When the widow checked out her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fainted. When her family rushed into the room, they saw this note on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
(signed) Your eternally loving husband
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, June 2000, Jeff H.)
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