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About six months ago, I was on a road trip for work and hit a meeting in Florida. At that meeting, a guy shared that this was his first in-person meeting in three years, and that he only did Zoom meetings for about a month before he got sick of them. So he stopped going to meetings altogether.
He proceeded to then describe three tough years, full of life stuff that sounded quite difficult. But even he was acknowledging that zero meetings was a fundamental problem in why things were so difficult. He mentioned something that really stuck with me, because I think about it sometimes too: He said he’d done the steps and he had learned a lot and that he had “graduated” into a life of recovery without doing much actual recovery.
He said that was a dangerous thought, and I agree. But I bet most alcoholics and addicts have had that thought at some point. It’s not even a formal thought that I have. I never actually tell myself that I graduated. But I do think sometimes that yesterday’s sobriety will keep me sober today.
Actually, let me correct that a little bit, because I have been sober for quite some time so yesterday’s sobriety honestly does seem to keep me sober the next day.
The problem comes two days, three days, four days later. I’ll have those inner conversations where I think, “You just got to a meeting on Sunday. It’s only Wednesday!” It’s almost like I am making fun of myself for needing meetings. Deep down, some part of me is deciding that I have put in lots of work, so why not take it a little easy?
That’s b******t, because I do take it pretty easy. I would say that when a problem requires 16 hours of work and the solution often requires only an hour a day of my time… that’s a pretty good tradeoff, isn’t it?
This is front and center for me this week because I had a hell of a time getting to meetings last week. My wife was sick, so I was running kids around all week and trying to keep up with work responsibilities. So I got to a meeting on Sunday, Monday and Wednesday… then I coasted on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I did catch myself knowing of a Zoom meeting that I could make… but then deciding to watch a football game instead because “I deserved it.”
Listen, I’m not here to tell people not to enjoy their sober lives. Do it. That’s kind of the point, right? But I am someone who can’t get away with that on a regular basis… even though I really, really deserve it right now! Somebody print me out a diploma!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke. WARNING: This one is a little more R-rated than I usually like to include. But here goes:
A DRUNKEN MAN WALKS into a rough-looking biker bar, sits down, and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the eye and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and saw her in the hallway, stark naked. Boy, she is one fine-looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His friends are surprised, because he is easily angered and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk again leans on the table and says, "I got it on with your grandma and, boy, is she good!"
The bikers' buddies are getting furious, but still their friend is silent.
The drunk leans in even closer to the man and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point, the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes, and say, "Grandpa, go home, You're drunk."
(Credit: Grapevine, by Claire V., May 2005)
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