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I have an interesting exercise for you to try.
Think back to the last time you were really angry about something. Soak it in for a second. Take a snapshot in your brain. Now ask yourself, where was your pride in that picture?
Now think back to the last time you were really hurt by a comment somebody made. Take a picture of that in your brain. Now ask yourself again, where was your pride in that picture?
I thought about that exercise because I was at a meeting recently where the chairperson did an awesome job of teeing up the meeting with readings from sober literature about how our pride is lurking behind almost everything, good or bad.
If you offer me criticism and I get really pissed about it, my pride is in there somewhere. If you screw me over for a parking spot and I start yelling out the window, my pride is in there somewhere. If you tell me you already have plans next week and can’t do something with me, and I suspect you just don’t want to hang out with me and that hurts me feelings, my pride is in there somewhere, too.
The point is, in almost every situation I ever encounter, my pride is sitting there somewhere. It’s almost impossible for me to think of a scenario where pride isn’t in the picture.
Now, sometimes the right amount of pride is a good thing. I’m proud of my sobriety. I’m proud of professional achievements. I’m proud I pay my bills on time. I’m proud of my marriage.
But I also have moments where my pride is sitting in the very front of the picture, and it messes up the whole thing. I think it’s really bad when I have too much pride, and also when I don’t have much of any. I want the right amount of pride. And that is easier said than done.
So that’s why as the chairperson was opening up the meeting and sharing what I found to be brilliant and hilarious, I found myself really thinking about the value of visualizing where my pride was sitting in every picture. And I ultimately decided that I want my pride in every photo, but I don’t want it in the front or the back. Maybe I need to have my pride pull up a seat right in the middle—visible but not overwhelming.
Oh, one last thing I should share: You know that awesome chairperson I was just telling you about? Uh, well, I may have been chairing that meeting… so maybe pride is still sitting a little closer to the front of the photo for me…
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Mutual admiration society
An AA who had just spent time with his family for the holidays was back at his home group. He shared that a relative had told him that she liked him better when he was drinking. He'd responded, "Yeah? I liked you better when I was drinking, too!"
(Credit: Grapevine, July 2009)
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