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I got in the car with my kids the other day and said, “Hold on, I gotta listen to this voicemail.”
The kids started dying laughing. “A VOICEMAIL?!?!” They couldn’t believe that someone would a) leave a voicemail or b) listen to one. It was like I told them I was going to get a Nickelback tattoo on my face.
The message was from a sober friend, just checking in. He gave me a quick rundown of how he was doing, something he’d heard at a meeting that he thought I might benefit from and said let’s talk soon. It made me smile because I did appreciate the thing he passed along. But more than that, I just always like voicemails from recovery friends—it’s a constant reminder that I am plugged into something bigger than me.
I know voicemails make kids these days gasp in horror. “Why wouldn’t you just text?” my kids say. I get it—it often does make sense to try calling someone and then just spell out quickly the purpose of the call in a text.
But those are often times calls where you’re asking got something. What time is the meeting? Are you going tonight? What’s your email address?
My recovery calls are usually about carrying the message, not completing a task. I often get a lot out of just hearing a sober friend’s voice.
And I get a lot out of leaving voicemails, too. I like hearing the message from whoever I’m calling, and then it helps me to leave messages sometimes. When I’m just saying hello and checking in, it’s nice to get that small feeling of connection. And when I am not in a great place, I often lay it out quickly on a sober friend’s voicemail and it is at least a little bit relieving. I know it sounds silly but I am constantly surprised at how often I am halfway through a rant about something causing me problems when I catch myself hearing it out loud for the first time.
I occasionally find myself taking a breath on the voicemail and saying, “You know what? Now I see why this is making me so mad,” and I laugh and say “Give me a call back later. Thanks for listening.”
It doesn’t seem like that would be any kind of breakthrough moment because nothing really changed. I just said it out loud to a recording of a sober friend’s voice. And yet, it works. I can think of multiple times over the years where I try three recovery buddies in the middle of the day, none of them pick up, and I still end up in a better headspace.
How awesome is that? It may very well be that in 10 years, nobody outside of the recovery world would dare leave messages. But I know in my network, you better brace yourself.
Even when cell phones have been replaced by something better, even when the aliens come and take over the planet, even when we destroy the aliens and take Earth back… I’m still going to be leaving you all messages, no matter how uncool my kids think it is.
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke.
After a night of hard drinking, a drunk pulls out his cell phone and calls the police to report a robbery in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!” he cries.
But before the police can respond, they get another call, and the same voice comes on the line. “Never mind,” says the drunk. “I got into the back seat by mistake.”
(Credit: AA Grapevine, March 2003, Anthony F.)
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