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I saw a story recently on Medium.com that said the average human being will meet 10,000 other people in their life.
At first, I was a little dubious of that statistic, because 10,000 people seems like a lot, doesn’t it?
But the more I thought about it, the more that sounds about right. Also… the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I met about 10,000 people last week at a few 12-step meetings I went to.
In all seriousness, if you live to 75 years old, that’s about 133 new people per year. And based on a quick examination of that number, it doesn’t say you became friends with 10,000 people, or even that you could remember 10,000 peoples’ names. Just that you met them. I’m guessing that includes every person you chitchatted with on an airplane, or at a doctor’s office waiting room, or in line at Walgreens.
Then you think about all the kids you met when you were younger, and then you probably got to know some of their parents, all of your neighbors, all the kids at elementary school and middle school and high school. Think about every sports team or activity you participated in, and the coaches and parents you got to know.
Then, if you went to college, do the same thing.
Then, think about every workplace you ever were in, and every new apartment or house you move into… As you can see, I think that figure is about right for most people.
Now let me get to the part that interested me as an addict.
First of all, I think participating in recovery programs raises that number—10,000—substantially. In my 13-plus years of sobriety, I think I have gone to about four meetings a week. That puts me at around 2,800 total meetings, which is a lot of sober people I have at least introduced myself to.
And within that, because it is such a deep, powerful program, I think it raises the number of people you meet on a very intimate level. If you’re in sobriety, think about the number of people who you’ve met at meetings who put themselves out there and reveal some of the most painful things life can throw at us.
Then compare that with the number of people who do that in your everyday life. For me, it’s a wild contrast—I was at a meeting recently where three different people cried as they aired out incredibly difficult circumstances in their life, and it was a beautiful reminder of the safe space that recovery can provide.
That brings me to my most important point. The Medium story goes on to discuss how few of those 10,000 people truly end up being impactful in your life. The article proposes that most of us probably only encounter about 10 people of those 10,000 who are truly impactful. Or, if you’re outgoing, maybe you get to 25.
I can say this with certainty—I have met way more than 25 people in recovery who have been truly profound influences on my life. I’m not talking about people I exchanged numbers with and occasionally hung out with. I am talking about the people who have been profound influences, who I will remember forever.
I won’t throw out their names here, obviously, but I can rattle them off one after another after another. I’d guess that number alone is close to 50 people who actually changed the course of my life. That means they helped me, which means they helped my wife and my kids, and their kids, and all my coworkers and neighbors, and on and on and on.
Throw in all of my family and friends, and I feel really good that I have about 100 people like that. And when I think about how much life is like football, and you need a good offensive line to block for you… I will take 100 linemen over 10 or 25 any day.
So thank you, recovery!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
An exasperated wife of a drunk said in an argument, "Don't you even remember your own mistakes?"
"No," replied the drunk. "There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!"
(Credit: AA Grapevine, October 2008, from Richard M. of Golden, Colorado)
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