I had been planning this trip for months and finally got the chance to go to one of my most favorite places in the entire world. It was tropical, but not like the other ones. I had just finished a really big project for Fashion Week and didn’t have a lot of energy to get excited about traveling. Secretly, I wanted to buy a one way ticket and never look back.
I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Aside from the fact that I am perhaps in partnership. That itself, may cause some problems but right now I could really use a break. Work seems to never end, I can't keep any food down and I don't even remember the last time I was happy - between the elaborately boring holiday dinners, red eyes to China and every adult man-child in the city looking the same because their overly clingy mothers just heard Costco was having a sale on denim. Make mommy proud.
All I know is that this trip could either brings us together or rips us apart. Only time will tell. It feels like neither of us are being honest.
Polynesia was even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. Our small plane was loud and everyone was super sweaty. Next stop, Raiatea. All the people look so beautiful here. What do they eat? There's not a Costco in sight.
My heart felt guilty looking at everyone even if in a platonic way, but there was something in them that just felt familiar. I feel like I know them. I’m only just learning about my different ancestors and being freakishly gifted. I will say that I'm also in a dry spell and that's really not helping. We haven't slept together in months.
The minute I got off the plane something awakened like electricity under my feet. I've never felt anything like this. Have I been here before? Everyone had a soulful look in their eyes, it's not the same kind of stare you get in the states. They were speaking without speaking. It was refreshing and a welcomed change from the constant chattering that I have to do at work. Years and you're still talking about the same calendar. Shouldn't that tell you that your system is broken?
But I digress.
Sometimes their hair was long and sometimes it was short around shoulder length. The energy of their culture is strong. That, mixed in with magnificent tattoos that were once lost because of colonization but now reclaimed openly made it clear that they were no longer allowing colonized ways to rule their lives. They walked with pride.
The drive was long even though it was a small island. It took a while to get through some of the traffic. The roads were a bit narrow in some places. I had never seen so much greenery in my life and an abundance of fruit on the sides of the street. It's their season of abundance I was told. A time when everything is blooming & life is even more beautiful than usual. "We want for nothing" they'd say. "What do we have to be unhappy for?"
I could barely even figure out what I wanted. What makes me happy?
The air had a scent of love. People just seemed to want to be warm to you wherever you went. You could hear in the way that they spoke as well. Have I forgotten what love sounded like? Felt like?
Before we knew it, we had arrived. A gorgeous house I had found on Airbnb right on the water. Half of the house was open, mostly the first floor. Linen curtains blew in the wind as we walked in through the gate. It Iooked like something out of a fairytale. You could tell the house was made by hand with thoughtful details throughout.
The outdoor shower had these really pretty blue tiles that lined a very tall wall and reached up to the second floor. I didn't linger too long because the mosquitos were biting the crap out of me. So I ran up the stairs to the bedroom and jumped under the net while my partner brought the bags in.
The minute I laid down, I could hear chatting on a phone. Another voice, a masculine. Must be the owner. As I was heading down the stairs he was walking on the side of the house through the front door. We both stopped dead in our tracks. My partner now in the kitchen not seeing anything that was going on.
"Fuck!" He's extremely attractive.
Then he smiled. I didn't smile back. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to give the wrong impression.
He was tall, over 6 feet. Very tan, he must spend a lot of time in the sun. Tattoos ran from his waist on the right side, all the way up his arm and over his shoulder...no, he wasn't wearing a shirt that's how I know. Something many men did there. I didn't mind it. He had shorter brown hair, well kept. Similar to the haircut "every man should have." Hazel eyes and commanded space when he walked.
"How are you?" He said, calmly. Looking at me intrigued.
"I'm well, thank you." I stopped on the stairs so I wouldn't come too close to him. I felt distracted by the way he was staring at me not breaking eye contact. On the hunt. I pointed to the kitchen where my partner was and he went to speak with him. He said he was stopping by to say hello and make sure we were settling in alright. My partner completely oblivious to this man's desires started chatting it up about the beautiful design of the home.
Even though nothing had happened, it still felt like something had happened on those stairs. It didn't matter, I was taken and this would probably be the only time I would see him. After a brief conversation he left and let us know that he was just across the street if we needed anything.
How convenient.
I decided to pick avocados from the backyard, sauté fish with rice for dinner. After that, my partner went upstairs and I bathed in the giant shower. I could literally run back and forth in there. I wouldn't dare though, because mosquitos were still on my ass. Literally.
Smack..."Ew."
I couldn't sleep very well that night and the roosters were loud in the rising. I had giant bumps all over my body, a reaction from the bites. I decided to stay in that day, take some Benadryl and lay safely under the net while my partner adventured around town.
Around 11am I started to get a little peckish and went down stairs to grab some food. As I opened the fridge, I could hear the front gate open. I got nervous. Then I heard his voice,
"Hello? Hello? I came to bring some gifts."
Why was he here? Aside from the gifts. When I turned around he was already on the side of the house. I had closed the curtains for privacy. I said hello and asked him why he was there. He walked through the curtain.
"I came to bring you some fresh mangoes. Do you like mangoes?"
He walked towards me smiling. His smile was bright, I couldn't help but smile back. Oh no.
"I do but I don't eat them very much."
"Here, I can show you how we eat them. It's easy to slice and peel back." He knew his way around the kitchen as if it was his house once not just a rental.
He cut the mangoes so easily, folded it back and reached over and asked me to taste it. I took a bite and said thank you. He said I should try to cut another. They were so delicious and juicy. I asked if this was the correct way and he grabbed my hands to help guide me. He smelled really good, fresh like the ocean. For a moment neither of us said anything. All you could hear were our breaths. It was the type of breathing you do before you go and do something stupid. Or something fun. His hand made its way up my arm.
My brain started showing me every which way he could take me right here on the counter. I wouldn't even care if people could hear. I'm not the type. Imaging his hand running up the inside of my thigh, discovering every part of me from the inside out. His hands were strong. He could easily lift me. This tiny island would break from the weight of our bodies pressing against it repeatedly, but who cares.
"I can get you something for your skin." He looked down into my eyes. He towered over me. He was oddly concerned about my mosquito bites.
"Thank you, I'm a bit itchy and tired." I needed a way out. My body was craving everything about him, I knew this was going to be bad. He apologized, got the hint and left. Later that evening, while I was still waiting for my partner I hear his voice again along with the crinkling sound of bags.
"Hi!" he said excitingly. That was fast. "I brought you some things to help with your skin and to keep the mosquitos away. Also, make sure you keep the fan on so they can't land." He's clearly getting comfortable.
He unpacked the bags. They were filled with natural medicine, coils, plug ins and things for the bedroom so I could rest better. Why was he more kind than my partner who still wasn't home. I spent a lot of time waiting for him in our relationship. It was a good day when he would remember to check his phone when hanging out with his friends. Home cooked meals and a clean house wasn't enough I guess. I got good at being alone.
While he was unpacking the bags he started to tell me about how he built the house for his wife who left shortly after. It all made sense. He wanted to provide for someone and I had no provider. Not visibly at least.
Every time he looked at me, it felt like he wanted me in more ways than one. My body wanted him too. For a moment, our hands touched as we both reached for the citronella. Then he grabbed my hand and stared at me intently as if he wanted to say something but then he didn't. My heart was beating out of my chest. I forgot what it felt like to be desired and touched like that. I pulled my hand back and he started to stand up to leave. Wished me goodnight and went out the gate.
Where is my fucking partner?? He eventually came home, but I was already in bed. This was our usual ritual.
The next day we had a whole excursion planned. When we arrived, there he was again! Apparently, this island is so small, many people share most of the jobs. For the next 12 hours, we would all be on the same boat. At least it was a group activity.
What is the universe trying to tell me right? Why were we spending so much time together. While out on the ocean, I hurt myself swimming in the coral, big surprise my partner wasn't there but guess who was? The mango man who seems to always save the day. This time, picking me up out of the water and onto the boat as my leg bled all over the place. I swear I'm not always this clumsy.
"What were you doing out there?" He laughed and so did I. It was really bad and it burned horribly.
"I was checking out Dory."
"...and you got caught in the current I warned everyone about, didn't you?" He smirked.
...hmm he's funny.
"...maybe."
"You have to be careful out there but it's okay, I'm here to help you. I have something for your leg." Why does he always have something for me? Why is he always prepared. He gently placed my leg over his own, as he put the oil on my wounds. Little did I know, I was banned from the water the rest of the day, since there's sharks. So, for 6 hours it was him and I back on the boat....alone.
He was funny and gentle. I almost started forgetting about my partner. He wasn't really "there" anyways. At least not in the way I could remember at the moment. Once everyone got off the boat, he handed me a bottle of the oil & told me to put all over my body to help with my bites too. I woke up feeling a lot better and my wounds were basically gone. Except for, you know? The emotional ones.
I was still exhausted and needed rest. I wanted to sleep in while my partner went paddling. I was woken by the sound of his voice again. Strange how I didn't mind it now.
"You shouldn't be here." But I wanted him to be. Someone who actually came home.
"He should be spending time with you." He said. He wasn't wrong & clearly a very nosy neighbor.
"That's none of your business. What do you want? Why do you keep coming here?
"To make sure you're okay."
"You don't have to look after me, I'm not your wife." Low blow.
"Yea but you deserve better." He's still right but completely out of line.
"I'm going to bed, you should go." I started walking towards the stairs but made it just a few steps into the kitchen before I heard,
"Hey man, what are doing in our house and why do you never have a shirt on? Have you been talking to my wife?"
"I came to invite you both to a party at my friend's house." Interesting story. I kept heading towards the stairs up to the bedroom, I'm going to let my partner handle this one. At least he was finally home. The bedroom had a wrap around balcony that overlooked the side of the house and the ocean. I stood at the edge facing the street and could see him getting into a car with other people. Maybe they actually were going to a party. That's besides the point though.
He must have felt me staring because as he got into the car, he turned back and stared directly at me, I was standing in the dark. He gave a quick wave and then got into the car and left. I knew I'd never see him again but I couldn't help but wonder, was I bird trapped in a cage of my own making or was I just someone's prey?
🃏 Tarot Card — The Moon (for The Gift Giver)
* Upright: Intuition buzzing, uncanny timing, seduction, things unsaid.
* Reversed: Boundary-blindness, projection, mixed signals, getting lost in the fantasy.
🔥 Fact or Fiction?
So tell me, beauties — was the Gift Giver real, or a moonlit myth I made up to survive the itch and the silence? 🌙🥭 Next Friday on ZiTV: Fact or Fiction? We're playing the game again — The Gift Giver, I'll tell you everything about it & share what actually happened, what I embellished and maybe a few other embarassing stories.
Vote in the comments with a like on the post and a comment below to be entered to win a spot in Zi's the Art of Love & Magnetism.
Bring your best acts of service stories, too — the spicier, the better.
💌 Subscribe so you never miss a drop. Love you.
