Perfect — thank you for pasting the whole chapter. I’ve done a full grammar, spelling, and punctuation sweep ONLY (no tone or style changes). Here’s the cleaned version:
Chapter 5: The Itch You Can’t Scratch
from The Mango Men & Other ManifestationsRead & Written by Zi B. Savage
I’ve spent a good amount of time trying to figure out why it is I keep landing myself with men who never seem to want to commit. No one tells you in the beginning that maybe if you just try changing yourself, all of your problems would be over. But the catch-22 is: if you can’t see the problem, how do you know it’s there?
This man, he was a doozy. Fully manifested, I was fully addicted, and it was fully a shit show. A beautiful one, but a shit show nonetheless.
I was starting to feel a little antsy being alone as time moved closer to the holidays. I’m not the type to not want to be by someone’s side walking down the street, staring at decorative lights. I’m the one who’s usually gathering everyone to decorate the house, make hot cocoa, and go to charity events as a family to give back to the community. I was feeling really out of my element.
This year was a little different. I knew it wouldn’t look the way I wanted, but I was still hopeful. God had said, I will never leave you alone during your favorite time of the year.
That week, I had written down on a piece of paper a wish to be with someone through the holidays. I knew they wouldn’t be “the one,” but I still wanted it. Perks of being a seer: sometimes you already know how it’s going to end before it even begins. C’est la vie.
I sat down at my desk by the candlelight of my altar, took out a crinkly old piece of a brown paper bag leftover from the stash I had stolen from the grocery store last month, a number 2 pencil, and began to write.
“Thank you God & my spiritual team for the beautiful life you have given. I know sometimes I’m not the most appreciative as I want to be, but I also know you already know that. I ask you for this one favor, to not be alone this holiday season. I know that I’m healing but I need connection right now. I just want to have fun and remember what it’s like to fall in love again.”
Followed by:
“I am having the time of my life, dancing, singing and allowing my heart to be open. It’s magical & spiritual. It’s exactly what I want. The best holiday I’ve had in a long time. Do harm to none. Zi”
Then I signed it.
I folded the little brown piece of paper in traditional hoodoo fashion, blessed it with my homemade oils, and placed it on my altar. Then forgot about it.
One day when I was out getting exercise, I met a man. I had just sat down to cool off after my run at the nearby tavern that had misters and free water. I could see him looking at me. Staring and kind of smiling. I gave a cheeky look to let him know it was safe to approach and eventually he came over and started talking.
“Hey, I see you just exercised. How was it?”
Hmm… intuitive or obvious?
“It was great, the weather is nice and cool today. Not as hot as last week. I was able to get in a long run. Do you run?”
“I do, actually. Ha. Would you want to come inside and have a chat over a bite?”
A man after my heart. Yum.
“Yeah, I’d love to. I’m quite hungry.”
He led me to a bar table that was shaded, a little bit away from all of the people so we could hear each other talk. He was being intentional, and I appreciated it.
As we began to talk, it turned out that we had been to a lot of the same cities and countries around the same time. It’s odd how that keeps on happening. Clearly someone I’m meant to meet. He had just traveled from living in New Orleans, helping with advocacy work. Before that, he was living in Thailand backpacking, going to spiritual centers, and letting his adventurous path unfold.
He wanted to move to Mexico and write his book there. A few actually. Another writer. Curious. I began to wonder if I was still meeting parts of my future partner. I had seen a few people during my travels that looked just like him. Tightly curled shorter blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, a little thinner than the rest, and a giant smile. He towered over me just like the rest.
It was easy to talk to him, it was like we already knew each other, and the more we talked the more our energies flowed closer together. Finding moments of silence when we just gazed into each other’s eyes, allowing ourselves to get lost. Speaking without speaking. This seems to be a trend with these men I keep manifesting.
Every time he looked at me, I could feel the edges of my stomach tighten and the center turn—but in the best way. I was nervous. Most people don’t make me nervous, but he did. He could not only see me, but he sensed me, experienced me energetically. The pull was nothing like I had experienced before. I wanted to sit in it, for days. I didn’t feel like I had to talk or be someone else. We just existed.
After a few hours of talking, he asked for my number and if he could see me tomorrow on his lunch break. Grab a coffee and walk to the park. Exactly what I love doing. This felt oddly aligned. I said yes, gave him my number, and headed home. Something was different about this man, I couldn’t put my finger on it.
The next day, I got a text from him that said:
“Hi Zi, There’s a yoga place across from the coffee shop that is teaching a free class today. Do you want to check it out before coffee?”
Where the hell did this man come from? I love yoga, but I’m also a yoga teacher.
“Yes! That sounds like a lot of fun. Thank you for asking.”
The yoga studio was beautiful inside. The floors and part of the walls were covered in teak wood, the rest was white with large symbology painted in black, decorated with a few dragonflies, giant white sound bowls, and large opaque windows at the front of the class. It was slightly heated and relaxing.
I don’t know what it is about yoga and balancing your energy, but as we flowed I became more and more turned on as the sweat dripped down our bodies with every breath. Every once in a while he would glance over at me and give a small smile. As if he was feeling the same thing.
After class we went over to the coffee shop and he ordered us cortados—also my favorite. Confirmation, he was definitely my holiday manifestation. It came sooner than I expected.
As we walked around, he told me about the non-profits he started in town to help create safe spaces for the youth. He also ran the local Mardi Gras parade in town. The ancestors & spirit really outdid themselves on this one. How can we have so much in common?
It was December 6th. I’m guessing this will end early January. So I might as well enjoy it for what it is. He gave me flowers as we walked around talking about Buddha and the ethics of yoga.
His touch every time he grabbed my hand felt intoxicating, sending a wave of energy through my arm and entire body. I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. He could tell and would gaze down at me and smile while we both took a deep breath. He was gentle with me, which I appreciated. I had found myself before with men who were a bit rough even outside of the bedroom, but I needed something different right now.
As we walked across the grass, he lifted my hand and guided me to him as he stood under a tree. My heart started racing. I couldn’t hear or see much of anything. I was so focused on him. He kissed the top of my hand and with the other placed it on my face. I closed my eyes, I had forgotten what it felt like to be touched like that. I don’t think I realized how lonely I actually was.
I leaned my head over and kissed the inside of his palm. He wrapped his other hand around my waist and pulled me in slowly. He stared at me intensely. I thought his eyes were only blue but they had some parts that were green and hazel. I could see it when the sun shined through the leaves.
He kissed me and I could feel him pressing his body against mine while I pressed back. We kissed passionately. I could still taste the coffee and a little salt from the hot yoga. Our souls just unraveled in every moment.
I could feel the tip of his xxx pressing up against my pelvis. He pulled me in tighter while biting my lip. My mind was flooding with visions. I couldn’t even control my own gifts. I had let my shielding down and let him into my energy. If it wasn’t for the motorcycle riding by, we probably would have lost ourselves right there in the park midday.
We both laughed.
“Maybe we should head back,” he said.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
He held my hand as we walked back, and as we talked, he had a look on his face as if he wasn’t really listening and was stuck in the moment in the park. So was I, but I knew if I didn’t keep talking I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of him.
He would stop and kiss me randomly as we walked back. It was getting later in the evening because we were taking so long.
“Don’t you have to go back to work?”
“I told them I had an emergency. I’d rather be with you.”
He was always good at making plans, being on time. I never had to guess how he felt about me—or so I thought.
The next time we met he invited me to go to a holiday event that was put on by the local theater. A holiday cabaret to bring visibility to the LGBTQIA+ community. I wore a cute little red dress that had thin spaghetti straps that crossed on my back. It had a little bit of shimmer and accentuated my curves.
When I got there, I realized he already had a ticket and when I got to the counter he didn’t offer to pay. Interesting, considering his other energy was quite different. The only difference was I was meeting his friends tonight.
Turned out all of his friends were female, who creepily all dressed the same and showed up on bicycles. The types who think they’re activists but really they’re just poorly dressed folx who appropriate our cultural practices in the spiritual community for the sake of “inclusivity” & “balance.”
I decided to peek into their energy to see the ties they had. One in particular: an ex-girlfriend. Clingiest of them all. Clearly trying to prove her connection & closeness. Never sink to their level. Stay unbothered, they’ll self-destruct on their own.
We all sat down at the show—me taking my preferred spot on the aisle, him, and then little miss sunshine right next to him. You could bring your own drinks at the show. Every once in a while I noticed her tickle his knee to ask for his drink. I just stared, not smiling. He immediately grabbed my hand, sat closer, and made a clasp with our fingers.
I saw what was going on here. A man who wanted his cake and to eat it too. Not choosing, just abusing. I didn’t particularly care. It was temporary affection. She made an effort to speak with me. I made an effort to ignore her. We’re not friends, I wanted to make sure she knew that.
The show was surprisingly funny and eventually she stopped engaging with both of us. He turned his body towards me and would glance at me randomly throughout the show. Our connection was so weird. We ended up going to his place after to hang out. I must say he had a great collection of vintage records and guitars. He had a cat that immediately ran over to me.
“Animal whisperer.”
“You could say that.”
We made our way to the bedroom and laid there for a little while talking about music. One thing led to another and we were diving in hot and heavy. He reached his hand up the bottom of my dress and smiled.
“Underwear aren’t my thing.”
They’re really not—we have a long-standing history of frustration. This punani is liberated. The unfortunate part was his co-captain was a little camera shy. He started to get a little frustrated and eventually blurted out:
“I’m going to sleep.”
His way of asking me to leave. Over the next few days, he was a whirlwind of love bombing and ghosting to soothe his fragile heart. He would even ignore me when meeting new people. He was unraveling.
The closer we got to January, the worse it got. He had a trip coming up for the holidays and went to Miami to be with family. I didn’t text him while he was gone & he didn’t text me. I could feel that there was something he wanted to say to me, so I said a prayer to God & my ancestors to reveal his truth so I could see what was unseen if it would be advantageous for my path. I also was led to get a reading from my friend and she noticed his energy. She said I had to see it to the end, there was something I had to learn.
There’s always fucking something! So I did.
He asked to talk when he got back. The minute he opened his mouth, it was like he couldn’t shut up. They answered my prayers. Telling me about how his friends told him to not have this conversation but he really wanted to, that he thought about ghosting me so he could go have fun, how he wants love but loves lots of women, he enjoys being chased, he also may have an STD…
“…I’m kind of hard to catch.”
Omg he just blew past that. WTF.
“Nothing is forever anyway, but I still want to see where this goes.”
“Let me stop you there. It’s best we not see each other again. I think I’ve heard enough and I’m not in the market to play your little games with your little girlfriends. I don’t chase people. I know my worth. Love also isn’t fleeting—you are.”
“Well, I would still love to stay connected.”
“No, I don’t do that. I don’t talk to exes, I’m more of a healthy goodbye. We don’t have children, no reason to.”
“Well I want to because I value the relationship. Do you not value it too?”
“It’s possible to value a past relationship without making room for them in it. I devote my full attention to my partners, I’m all in or all out. You can’t build a strong foundation when you have weak boundaries. I’m going to go. Please don’t contact me.”
This was in January.
Shortly after, he continued to contact me, so I blocked him in every way I could. Even when he decided to come up to my table in public.
Be careful what you wish for. You never know what you’re going to get.
What do you think, beauties — did The High Priest show up as a soulmate lesson or just a messy man with blue eyes?
👀 Drop your vote below in the comments (🟢 Divine setup / 🔴 Red flag chaos) and hit the like button, let’s see where the cards fall. Join us live Friday at 10am PT on YouTube to hear all of the dirty truths about this story, hear whether its fact or fiction, get your love questions answered live & find out the winner of next week’s the Art of Love & Magnetism class with Zi.
🃏 This Mango Man Was Giving…
Tarot Card: The High Priest (The Hierophant)
* Upright: Spiritual lessons, divine tests, ancestral alignment, truths revealed.
* Reversed: False prophets, manipulative lovers, abuse of trust, spiritual bypassing.
