Here’s another one from the vault. This was supposed to be voice note #3 when I first started doing these… and somehow it’s now #34 😩. I’ve got so much new stuff I’m hype to share, but I made a promise to myself to clear the vault first. And let me tell you—this has been way harder than I thought 😭. I miss connecting with y’all in real time.
Okay, hard pivot into today’s post.
I wrote a note on Substack saying I was starting to notice that I’m code-switching less and less, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I promised an update once I figured it out.
Update: I still don’t know how I feel about that. But let me tell you this story.
So, I don’t normally work in a physical office, but there’s one nearby, and sometimes my coworkers and I meet up there. It’s fun—I love them, they’re phenomenal humans, and honestly, this is one of the best teams I’ve ever worked with. And that’s saying something, considering what I’ve been through in the workplace over the years.
But lately, I’ve noticed that I keep slipping up. Or maybe just… mmm not giving a fuck more.
The other day, I was in the office, and my friend FaceTimed me. I had my earphones in, so I picked up and, without thinking, immediately hit her with: “I’m in these people’s office.”🤣 Loud. Like, louder than I realized, because Apple’s noise cancellation is too good.
And she was like, “…I can see that.” Then she finally chuckled. It definitely caught her off guard.
But what caught me off guard was that I didn’t care. Didn’t care who heard me. Didn’t adjust my voice, didn’t shift my tone—just spoke how I naturally would. And that’s new.
Because in the past, if I was on the phone with a Black friend in mixed company, I’d code-switch automatically. And not just me—we would code-switch. That’s how it works. We pick up on each other’s cues. Even though no one else could hear her, if I had adjusted, she probably would’ve adjusted too. But I didn’t. And now I’m sitting with that.
And the thing is, I don’t know if I like it.
It’s not about embarrassment—I’m good on that. It’s more about… do I actually want everybody to be in on the proverbial joke? Because when we’re talking to each other, there’s a shared understanding. A cultural shorthand. A way we move through the world that doesn’t require explanation. But when you stop code-switching, you start hearing your language, your inside jokes, your ways of being used. And sometimes? They don’t land right. And then it’s everywhere. And it’s rarely ever in the proper context.
So I think that’s why I’m sitting with this.
Because when I talk to a Black friend, we both understand time and place. We know what’s for us and what can be said out loud. It’s like that old-school lesson: What happens in this house stays in this house. But when you stop filtering, when you stop moderating yourself, other people don’t always know where that line is.
So, yeah. I’m still chewing on this. I don’t know if this is about getting older, about hosting The Mediocre Black Woman and getting tired of filtering, or what. But I do know I’m not the only one feeling this shift. Some of y’all told me you’re code-switching less too, and I want to hear from you. How does it feel? Do you notice your language showing up in spaces you didn’t expect?
Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let’s talk about it.
xoxo,
Goddess Thea
