This week, we circled back to a question that’s been woven through our show since the beginning: where should we spend our energy—activating people who agree with us but haven’t taken action yet, or engaging people on the “other side”?
Lisa leans toward inviting the not-yet-active folks onto the boats in our River of Justice metaphor. Aaron, on the other hand, feels drawn to talking with people who see the world differently, sometimes very differently, because even small shifts matter.
We don’t totally agree here, and that’s part of the point.
Why “why” doesn’t work
One thing we do agree on: facts and finger-wagging don’t change minds. Lisa shared a framework she picked up from Dan Harris interview with Alison Wood Brooks, PhD who uses TALK:
* Topics
* Ask questions
* Levity
* Kindness
The ask questions part really resonated. In particular, avoiding “why” questions that sound accusatory and instead using “what” questions that invite nuance. Asking “what were the pros and cons you considered?” leaves space for doubt and reflection in a way “why did you vote for him?” never will.
Fear vs. empowerment
Aaron framed it this way: there are two powerful motivators. Fear can push people to act quickly, but usually only to protect themselves. Empowerment invites people to act in line with their values, which tends to stick. It’s a reminder that persuasion isn’t just about arguments, it’s about what kind of action lasts beyond the moment.
Telling your own story
Our daughter Emma added another angle at the dinner table: just calmly share your own beliefs and the journey that led you there. No debate, no demand for the other person to defend themselves. It’s vulnerable, authentic, and sometimes the most disarming approach.
Making it irresistible
We also celebrated a joyful example of irresistible civic engagement: Zohran Mamdani’s New York City scavenger hunt. Over 4,000 people turned out, learned some history, and had fun together. It was politics—but joyful, magnetic politics. Watch it here!
That’s the kind of energy we want more of: not just resisting, but building boats people can’t wait to climb into.
This week’s actions
* California Prop 50 (redistricting): donate if you can; tell three friends; hop on a phone bank with groups organizing now.
* Five Calls: pick an issue and make two calls—scripts lower the barrier.
* Survey
Joyful moments
* Lisa: scrolling through “when it happens” playlists on Bluesky and Threads…and of course, Tucci the kitten with her laser pointer.
* Aaron: watching Tucci’s personality emerge (while resisting the urge to turn her into a tiny wrestler). Bonus joy: she sleeps through the night!
If you try the TALK framework (or host something irresistibly joyful), tell us how it goes: hello@acouplethinks.com. And if you want the weekly action links, subscribe and share!
