On Tuesday night, we slipped into San Francisco for a quintessential “grown-up” date: dinner and a talk at the Commonwealth Club with former U.S. Attorney Joyce Vance, who’s on tour for her new book, Giving Up Is Unforgivable. We’ve followed Joyce since her collaborations with Preet Bharara, and her Substack, Civil Discourse. Hearing her in person, what landed most was her steady insistence that democracy is still ours, if we keep showing up.
What stuck with us
* Democracy needs citizens. Vance reminded us that “hopelessness is where autocrats try to push you.” If we disengage, they win by default.
* Institutions vs. people. She argues our core institutions are sound; the threat is people willing to undermine them. Lisa’s take: if the house is strong but built to 1775 codes, it still needs an earthquake retrofit for 2025. Guardrails shouldn’t depend on gentlemen’s agreements.
* Norms aren’t laws. The last decade taught us how quickly norms can be bulldozed. If it matters, codify it. If a norm has been demolished, stop pretending it protects us.
* We are the cavalry. Government “of, by, and for” only works when we act like owners, not spectators.
“What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something.” —Howard Zinn
That Zinn line helped us. Yes, things are rough. Emphasize only the worst and you freeze. Notice the worst and act, and the story changes.
Retrofit the Republic
We both buy the separation-of-powers blueprint. But blueprints aren’t enough; maintenance matters. Think pragmatic upgrades:
* Clarify what must be law, not culture.
* Modernize the machinery (elections, ethics, transparency) for the world we actually live in.
None of this happens if we cede the field. Small acts compound. That’s the whole premise of this project: Do something, then another thing.
Doable actions this week
Pick one and go do it! (We’d love to hear how it went too!)
* Feed the gap. With SNAP funding in flux and delays hitting real families, donate to your local food bank or mutual-aid pantry. They know how to stretch a dollar more effectively, so money is the best bet for them.
* Write five postcards. Postcards to Voters has two December special elections on deck. Request addresses, hand-write five by next week’s show!
* Adopt the identity: say out loud (and in your bio): “I am a voter.” Identities drive behavior; you’ll be more likely to vote in every election, big and small.
* Leave one voicemail for Congress. Ask your House member to get back to work on governance basics (funding, ethics, safeguarding elections). Polite, firm, 30 seconds.
* Protect your neighbors. If your community organizes legal-observer or “know your rights” patrols, connect and learn how to plug in safely and constructively.
* Recruit one friend. Share this post with a buddy and invite them to do one action with you. Accountability = follow-through.
Got a better action? Hit reply or email hello@acouplethinks.com. You can also drop ideas in our short listener survey: survey.acouplethinks.com.
Joyful moments (because batteries need recharging)
Lisa: Holiday hosting season is my joy generator—menus, lists, and the built-in deadline to finish our home office reset. Also: dressing up for a city evening and hearing Joyce Vance live. Aaron: Turning my office from a boxes-and-cables cave into a simple video studio, and finally parting with old hard drives and mystery cords. And our night in the City.
We’ll keep taking action and making joy as both are necessary and both are contagious. If you went to a book talk, made calls, wrote postcards, or just fed yourself well enough to keep going—tell us. We are, in Joyce’s words, part of the cavalry.
Take a Listen to this week’s episode!
P.S. If Joyce Vance comes through your town, go. And if you’ve read the book, what resonated (or didn’t)?
