Where does my autistic rage come from? Not from being born wrong. From being raised, schooled, mocked, trained, therapped, and medicated into it.
This is about the source. The ones who created what they blamed us for. No apologies, no redemption arc—just the accusation.
Content note: Strong language, family trauma, discussion of rage & medical consequences of the rage they told us to keep inside + the experiences & opinions of one autistic elder. Born in 1953.
👉 Gift Season: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i
Raw spoken word & art exploring autistic experience without the inspiration porn.
Perfect for:
* Your autistic or ADHD someone (the gift of being seen)
* That someone who isn’t... and wants connection (the gift of understanding)
👉 Get the chapbook, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head”: https://a.co/d/3e0Uc7i👉 Full text & community: https://substack.com/@johnnyprofane1👉 Live Autistic Truth playlist: 25 live performances of autistic spoken word
Chapters:0:11 Intro: Where Autistic Rage Comes From1:05 I Wasn’t Born this Way1:19 F#&% that Noize1:23 The Nightmare Was You1:41 Being Me around… You1:57 So Many Yous2:07 I Blame You3:11 “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” chapbooRecorded live, November 2025. Minimal production—raw delivery, authentic processing.
This piece discusses:
Autistic burnout and rage, family trauma and estrangement, school trauma, workplace discrimination, forced masking consequences, neurodivergent anger, medical consequences of chronic stress (including stroke), unmasking and living authentically.
#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticRage #FamilyTrauma #SchoolTrauma #Neurodivergent #AutismBurnout #SpokenWord #NeurodivergentVoices #AutisticAF #Unmasking
AutisticAF Out Loud
Not here to inspire you. Here to give you an experience of a life.Born to raise hell. Autistic style.
Transcript:
Family, school, work...? They created this autistic badass. I wasn’t born under a star named Rage.
I’m going to read something. It’s a little bit on the, uh... I don’t know, testy side? And it’s a work in progress. No inspiring ending... yet. Maybe never. Because sometimes there isn’t one.
This is about where autistic rage comes from. I’m not ashamed of it. Any more than I’m ashamed of my autistic joy. This is me. It’s why being targeted first isn’t just political. It’s, uh... it’s personal, real personal. It’s a lifetime of being told, I’m the problem. We’re the problem. You’re the problem. And then watching them try to starve us... for political points.
I call this...
“I Wasn’t Born under a Star named Rage.”
I think you get where... you see where I’m headed.
I drempt I was on a journey
And Charles Bukowski was my guide
Like Virgil, Dante… but in a hurry
A modern pace for a modern time...
fuck that noize
I had a screaming nightmare last night
and it was you
yeah it was a hellscape
being
around you
watching my step
around you
holding my tongue
around you
Cringing
around you
being… me
around
you
I wasn’t born under a star named Rage.
No.
You raised me
You schooled me
You mocked me
You groped me… so many yous
You trained me
You therapped me
You medicated me
I blame you
Right or wrong
In my blinding,
Stroke-at-age-30,
repressed…
rage
I blame you.
That’s it. There’ll be more. Maybe there’ll be a redeeming ending. Maybe not. That’s where I’m at. That’s the fuel.
You don’t have to relate to every line. And of course, there’s nobody in this audience who’s a “you.” I think you know who “they” are. But if you’ve got rage too, you got my permission to express it. Because you’re not alone in it.
Okay. I need to get off and go sleep for a few hours. It’s amazing how I work up for these things. And they can be... difficult for me. I’m so pleased you showed up. I’m so pleased you listen to me sometimes. I’ll talk to you soon.
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