That voice whispering "If I leave, I've failed"?It's not your conscience.It's the last thread of control your toxic partner clings to.
As a trauma recovery coach, I've watched brilliant, capable women stay in soul-crushing relationships for one devastating reason: They'd rather endure abuse than face the shame of a "failed" marriage.
Let's dismantle this lie together.
The "Failure" Myth That Hurts Most
We're taught:✔ "Quitters never win"✔ "Marriage is forever"✔ "Love means sacrifice"
But here's what no one tells you:Staying in toxicity isn't commitment—it's self-betrayal wearing a mask of loyalty.
5 Ways You're Actually Failing By Staying
1️⃣ Failing Yourself
* Would you let a friend live with constant criticism, control, or walking on eggshells?
* Staying teaches your nervous system: "Your pain doesn't matter."
2️⃣ Failing Your Children (If You Have Them)
* Kids learn relationships by watching yours
* Toxic lesson: "Love = enduring disrespect"
* Healthy lesson: "Self-respect is non-negotiable"
3️⃣ Failing Your Partner
* Enabling abuse prevents their rock-bottom moment
* Sometimes the most loving act? Letting consequences happen
4️⃣ Failing Your Future
* Imagine 5 years from now:
* Staying: Same exhaustion, deeper despair
* Leaving: New hobbies, healthy love, peace
5️⃣ Failing Your Potential
* Toxic relationships consume the energy you could pour into:
* Your career
* Your passions
* Your joy
The Truth About "Failure"
Leaving isn't giving up—it's leveling up.
Think of it like:
* Quitting a job that pays in misery
* Returning spoiled food to the grocery store
* Canceling a gym membership that only offers broken equipment
You wouldn't call those failures.Why label self-liberation as one?
Your Freedom Toolkit
🔨 Reframe the Narrative
* Old belief: "Divorce = I'm unlovable"
* New truth: "Choosing myself = My first act of real love"
📝 Write a Letter from Your Future Self
* "Dear [Your Name],Thank you for leaving on [date]. Because you did, I now..."
👯 Build Your Exit Team
* Therapist
* Divorce coach (like me!)
* The friend who always believed in you
💸 Calculate the Cost of Staying
* Literally. Add up:
* Therapy bills from stress
* Lost work opportunities
* The life you're not living
You're not losing a marriage.You're gaining:☀️ Mornings without dread🤝 Relationships that fill your cup🧠 Space to rediscover who you really are
💜 Ready to rewrite your definition of "failure"?Book a free discovery call with me: https://www.susiemillerwendel.com/coaching-services/book-a-session
P.S. Which of the "5 failures" hit hardest? Comment below—your courage helps others see their worth.
