Today marks the ninth lap we’ve made around this sun since the man of our family moved on. Perhaps because he died the same year as David Bowie (and several other ahead-of-their-time icons), it’s easy to imagine him returning to the planet they first fell from. Vernon, the quintessential Aquarius was ahead of his time in his mind. His first wife (Maki’s mum) once told me she felt he came from the future. The kids have that about them too. I’m the only one who seems like I hold to the past. But now I understand this story at least in one way of how we were meant to come together. The late-bloomer that I am needed these futuristic people in my life in one form or another. It’s these 3 people who have given me a voice, someone to fight for, someone to learn from. If it were just me, I’d probably be in a library somewhere, scanning the files of the past to prove I’m in the present. Now it’s become my personal boot-camp to stay in the present as two amazing humans keep moving so quickly into the vast unknown future, in which they belong. I gotta keep up!
My family may be small, but we are becoming more mighty. And we have been through so much together and have now arrived at a sort of mutual understanding that is more precious than I can put into words. Now, that isn’t what I meant to share this morning on Vernon’s D-Day, but apparently that’s where my head is this morning, and I’d say that’s some good growth to celebrate. Post traumatic growth is what all the cool kids are doing these days! I’m here to encourage it.
Our youngest child (with an Aquarius moon, so independently intelligent like her Dad) is just, I feel, beginning to acknowledge the deep pain of loss of a father, even though it was so long ago now. The hardest for her is not really remembering him “whole” except for in photographs, and also remembering feeling alone a lot of the time I was off trying to take care of him. It doesn’t matter how that differs from her parents intentions, its what her experience was. So I try to honor that as well, even though I’d hoped she would have a different experience. (Just like in many ways, I’m sure my own parents hoped I’d have a different experience than what I remembered…so I am learning to have grace in all directions, including to the many versions my younger self. (I told you my kids are my teachers.)
I’ll share more about Maki’s process when I nail him down for an interview him about his music. Earlier this year, he landed a contract with a recording company and is busy making his living working hard at what he cares most about. (He also balances the sound quality on my podcast.) In the Soul Sessions episode I am sharing here, I speak a lot about the power of music and song in Vernon’s second-life as a brain-injured invalid…and I think that’s what gave Maki a boost of purpose in music, even at his young teen age at the time. Give him a follow if you like. Its SO important to show our support to young artists. The future needs their voice and vision.
I know this is different kind of post for this newsletter group. But like I’ve said before, I’m looking for ways to integrate it all and not keep everything so separated—because really, this is all part of the whole. Everything is what it is because of what came before and also what its being called toward next. So, we march bravely into the next unknown —and we can also stop to remember.Being present, perhaps, is staying somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. This here, right now, is what I want to feel into today.
Thank you for your witness, dear reader, and thanks to Vernon for bringing these kids into my life.
Allison
PS This episode of BBC Soul Sessions was produced by Karen Gregor, whom I hope to interview one of these days myself. I’m grateful for the opportunity she gave me to tell the story over British radio.
Waterloo Sunset painted by the brilliant singer/songwriter/illustrator/healer Belle Logie, who is one of the family of musical angels that I speak of in this episode.
