Hello and welcome to Beauty, the no-frills, no-nonsense podcast about all things Beauty. True Beauty. God’s Beauty. I am your host, Deanna, and today we are talking about motherhood.
When I was young, I would wake up for school, sometimes with the help of my mother, but more often, by the sound of an alarm. I would get up, get ready for school, and walk to the kitchen to find the table set. We didn’t eat breakfast as a family because school schedules were different and dad was always at work early, but mom still got up and made sure we had something to eat before we left for the day. Sometimes it was a big pot of oatmeal on the stove with all the fixin’s set out on the table. Sometimes it was a stack of pancakes. And sometimes it was a few boxes of cereal and big bowls to slurp the milk from when we were done. Mom would sit at the table with her cigarette and stare. Sometimes at our sloppiness. Other time into space. It was rare she leaned into conversations with us in the morning. No one liked the morning so no one was super talkative. As soon as we were all out the door, she’d set about cleaning up the mess we left behind - in the kitchen, and the bathrooms, and anywhere else we had been. She’d do all the household chores and make the place look homey and welcoming when we returned. On Saturday we would all help tackle the chore list, with groans. Mom and dad would sleep in while I watched cartoons with my siblings, but the TV went off when mom was ready to bust out cleaning and get on with her day. The beds were stripped and the whole house was dusted and swept. The kitchen and bathrooms were wiped down and everything was put in its place. We worked together and got it all done so we could get on with the more fun part of our day, while she fixed what we didn’t do properly.
I have been noticing a lot of social media influencers share about motherhood - and it has triggered some of these memories of my mom. I can’t think of one time in my life that I wanted to be like her in regard to mothering as the world sees it. In fact, when I was a young mom, I used to think I was broken because I didn’t have the same desire to take care of my home and family the way she did. I liked going to work. I loved my job. I didn’t love being home to change diapers and wipe noses and dust ledges and sweep floors and water plants. I hate cooking and cleaning and I have never kept a garden. Even now - my husband does that! I have about five plants in my house and they are all fighting for their life. I am not good at most things domestic.
But I still do what needs to be done.
I like a clean house but it is far from spotless. The floor gets mopped once a week, if I am lucky to find twenty minutes to get it done. I won’t notice the dust on the fan until I have the gumption to wipe it down. And I could care less about fingerprints on the refrigerator. My mom, however, kept floors you could eat off of and would think she failed in her day if she saw a spec of dust somewhere - which was usually left behind from one of her kids tasked with dusting on a Saturday.
I have two adult kids who have kids of their own and my youngest is almost sixteen - and sometimes I still feel a bit broken. When I start to feel like that, I need to remember exactly what the women on social media are saying. Our job, as mothers, is to invest in our children's lives. To me, that doesn’t mean doing everything for them and being at their beck and call. The most important thing, to me, is to invest in their spiritual life so that when they leave our home, they can make some ramen noodles, throw a load of laundry into the wash, and talk to Jesus.
In many ways, my two oldest kids did have a mom who was broken. It wasn’t until they were in fourth or fifth grade that I came to understand my role as a mom and even later until I understood what it meant to lead them spiritually. When my mom died, I was helping my dad clean things up and get things in order for him to begin his new life without her. He asked me to go through some things in the basement, so as I was catching up on laundry, I ruffled through a stack of papers and books, separating them into piles for dad. I found an old journal my mom wrote in. When I flipped it open to see what it was, I don’t think it was an accident that I landed on a prayer she wrote for me. I always knew my mom prayed for me, but it wasn’t until I read her journal that I understood how deeply she prayed. She was concerned about my eternity. It was then that I started to pray deeper prayers for my own kids.
We always talk about how our kids leave us. How they go off to college or get married and they make the transition out of our homes and step into a life of their own. But we never talk about leaving our kids. The fact of life is that we will leave our kids one day. We place great emphasis on preparing them to exit well, we forget about our own exit. What will we leave them when we are gone? Memories of us doing everything for them? Memories of home-cooked meals, lush gardens, and spectacular houses? Memories of vacations, school parties, and special holiday gifts? Those are all great things, but they are not the best things God desires for us. He desires for us to have his heart.
Thanks to Leap Day, we get to read a little about Elijah and Elisha this week. We are only reading 2 Kings 2, but it is enough to capture our attention as moms and remind us that it is nice to choose to stay home and be with our kids. But if you are like me, and enjoy going to work outside of the home, you are not broken. When you leave your kids, it won’t matter to them whether you stayed home or found purpose in employment. When God called Elijah home, Elisha was confident because he knew God was still present. He could have that confidence because of the discipleship he was provided. When my mom died, I knew the same as soon as I flipped through her journal. She prayed fervently for all of her kids - and when she was alive, she never hesitated to tell us and engage us in discussion about how God was moving. Sometimes I smiled politely and concentrated on keeping my eyeballs from rolling back, but I can recall many of those discussions even still today and see exactly what she meant. She took each of us under her motherly wing, and she trusted God to help us fly.
It doesn’t matter if you are the CEO of a company or the CEO of your home. Making sourdough or the choice to homeschool doesn’t make you a great mom. A great mom doesn’t place an emphasis on staying home or going to work. A great mom places an emphasis on drawing near to God. As you dive into this week’s study, my tip is that you use the time to prepare yourself to leave the people you love. We always talk about only having eighteen good, formative years with our kids - but that’s a lie we use to encourage the mom holding a screaming baby or wrestling with an antsy toddler. We tell them to enjoy the phases and use the time to show them the love of Jesus. But there is more to discipleship and it doesn’t end when our kids turn eighteen. What do you want them to know? What do you want them to remember about you when God calls you home? Your answer should have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the glory of God.
Before Elijah was taken home, they crossed the Jordan and he asked Elisha, What can I do before I leave? Elisha asks for a double portion of Elijah’s prophetic spirit. He is asking for the right of the firstborn, only instead of riches, he is asking for the gift of prophecy. And not just a little bit. He doesn’t kind of want to be like Elijah - when it is easy or convenient. In asking, he is committing to continuing in Elijah’s footsteps and he knows he needs God’s power to accomplish it. Elisha gave up everything to follow Elijah. What are you giving up to follow Jesus?
When my mom died, I wanted to fill her shoes. Yes, I helped my dad in many of the ways she did - but through the years, I took on the prayers I know she would have prayed for our family. I can emphatically tell you I still don’t want to be a homemaker like my mom. But if I could have a double portion of her faith, I would gladly take it and continue investing in people the way she did. When God calls me home, I can only hope my children will have the desire to do the same. I’d go to the ends of the earth to fight for any one of my kids and their family. But the true mama bear is the warrior on her knees in the early morning hours, trusting God to move in mighty ways.
Thanks for listening today. If you were encouraged by this message, would you please consider sharing it with a friend or two? Likes, loves, comments, and shares go a long way in reaching the eyes and ears of new friends. Until next time, be beautiful and keep looking for beauty.
Deanna
