Welcome back to Infinite Threads. I’m your host, Bob.
Sometimes, what wounds us the most doesn’t come from an enemy.It comes wrapped in something that looks like love.Words laced in care…Tone softened with concern…And yet—beneath it all—something sharp, something meant to cut.
This episode is about that moment.When someone tries to harm you—intentionally or not—while claiming it’s for your good.When cruelty is couched in kindness.When judgment hides behind “just being honest.”When manipulation calls itself love.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling emotionally scraped, even though no one raised their voice…This episode is for you.
We’ve been taught to look for harm in the obvious places—Yelling. Name-calling. Cruelty without disguise.
But the truth is, some of the deepest harm comes dressed in warmth:
* A parent who says, “I only want the best for you,” while suffocating your autonomy.
* A partner who claims, “I just worry about you,” while slowly isolating you from support.
* A friend who offers “tough love,” but never softness.
It can come from anywhere—Family. Faith leaders. Partners. Political movements.
But the pattern is always the same:They claim it’s for your own good…And yet you feel smaller.Less seen.Less whole.
That’s not love.
Love does not shrink you.
Love does not gaslight your feelings.
Love does not set itself on a pedestal and shame you from above.
It’s tempting to assume malice.But most people who use love as a weapon… genuinely believe they’re helping.
They’ve been taught:
* That obedience equals love.
* That shame is a tool for righteousness.
* That if it hurts, it must be working.
And here’s where our radical love comes in:
We don’t excuse the harm… but we see the hurt behind it.
Because often, people who cut others this way…Were cut the same way long ago.
They confuse control with care,Because that’s how they were taught to love.
They confuse suppression with safety,Because that’s what was done to them.
And so the cycle continues—until someone breaks it.
Someone like you.
Here are the signs you’re dealing with love that harms:
* It makes you doubt yourself.If every time you speak to them, you feel smaller—take note.
* It uses your vulnerability against you.If your truths are later weaponized, that is not love.
* It justifies cruelty with virtue.If someone says, “I’m just telling you this because I care,” but you leave bruised—it’s not care.
* It takes and takes—but calls it devotion.If they constantly need your compliance to feel secure, they’re not loving you—they’re controlling you.
And most of all:
* It makes you forget who you are.Real love reminds you of your worth.Harmful love makes you doubt it.
So what do you do?
You remember.
You remember that you are allowed to trust your intuition.
You are allowed to say:“I know you think this is love… but it doesn’t feel like love to me.”
You are allowed to set boundaries—even with those who say they mean well.
You are allowed to walk away from love that wounds more than it heals.
But here’s the most important part:
Just because someone hurt you in love’s name…doesn’t mean love itself is cruel.
Love is not control.Love is not shame.Love is not fear dressed as faith.
Love is freedom.
Love is accountability without annihilation.
Love is truth without manipulation.
Love says:“I see you. I honor you. I may not understand your path, but I will not wound you to make myself feel right.”
That’s the love we return to here.
The love that stays soft, even when setting boundaries.
The love that knows firmness is not the enemy of kindness.
The love that lets people be who they are—and lets you be who you are, too.
If you’ve ever been harmed by someone who said they loved you…
I want you to hear this:
It wasn’t your fault.
You did not deserve it.
And the love they offered was not the only kind.
There is a gentler way. A clearer way.
A way of loving that doesn’t cut, control, or condescend.
That’s the thread we follow here.
And if you’ve ever wielded the knife yourself—thinking it was the right thing to do—you’re still welcome here.
This space is for healing. For growing. For choosing again.
We’ve all done harm.
But we don’t have to keep doing it.
We can learn to love without harm.
We can learn to speak truth without knives.
We can learn to listen without needing to dominate.
We can be the kind of love that heals what others damaged.
Until next time…
If it doesn’t feel like love,You don’t have to accept it—no matter how pretty the wrapping.
Keep weaving clarity. Keep weaving compassion.And above all—Keep choosing love that heals, not harms.
Because that’s the thread that never wounds.
That’s the thread that mends.
That’s our thread.
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