Welcome back to Infinite Threads! I’m Bob, and today, we’re diving into something that affects all of us, whether we realize it or not—cognitive dissonance.
It’s that uncomfortable feeling we get when our actions, beliefs, or values don’t quite align. It’s the tension between what we think we believe and how we actually behave.
Ever defended something, only to later realize you were completely wrong?
Ever felt uneasy about a choice, even though you convinced yourself it was the right one?
Ever struggled to accept new information because it challenged something you’ve believed for years?
That’s cognitive dissonance at work. But here’s the thing—it’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a powerful tool for growth.
So today, we’re going to break down what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens, and how self-awareness can help us navigate it with love, humility, and wisdom.
Cognitive dissonance is that psychological stress we feel when we hold two conflicting beliefs or when our actions don’t align with our values.
The term was coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. He found that when people experience this internal conflict, they do one of three things:
Change their behavior to align with their beliefs.
Change their beliefs to justify their behavior.
Justify or rationalize their behavior by adding new beliefs.
Let’s look at some real-world examples of how this plays out.
Real-Life Examples of Cognitive Dissonance (3-4 min)
A classic example is smoking. A smoker might know, deep down, that smoking is harmful to their health. But because they enjoy it, they experience dissonance.
To reduce this discomfort, they might:
Convince themselves that "the studies are exaggerated."
Tell themselves "I’ll quit eventually."
Focus on examples of "that one grandparent who smoked for 90 years and was fine."
Instead of changing the behavior (quitting smoking), they adjust their beliefs to avoid discomfort.
Ever stayed in a bad relationship, job, or project longer than you should have because you already invested so much time or money?
That’s cognitive dissonance.
You know it’s not working.
But leaving means admitting you were wrong.
So instead, you justify staying—"Maybe it’ll get better."
We see this every day. When faced with evidence that contradicts deeply held beliefs, people often double down rather than reassess. Why? Because changing beliefs is uncomfortable and threatens our sense of identity.
This is why discussions about politics, religion, or ethics can become so heated. People don’t just debate facts—they defend their sense of self.
Here’s the key: cognitive dissonance isn’t a bad thing—it’s a sign that growth is possible.
Think of it like a mental alarm system. When we feel that tension, it’s a signal that something needs to be examined. It’s an opportunity to:
Question our beliefs with humility.
Realign our actions with our values.
Break free from unhealthy justifications and truly live in integrity.
But that only happens if we have self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to step back, examine our thoughts and actions objectively, and be honest with ourselves.
Here’s how to strengthen it:
1. Embrace Discomfort Instead of Avoiding It
When something makes you uncomfortable, pause. Ask yourself:
Why do I feel defensive about this?
Am I rejecting new information because it’s false, or because it challenges me?
What if I allowed myself to sit with this discomfort instead of running from it?
2. Question Your Own Beliefs (Yes, Even the Ones You Love)
It’s easy to question others, but how often do we question ourselves?
Are my beliefs shaped by truth or just tradition?
Am I holding onto something because it’s right—or because it’s familiar?
Being wrong isn’t a failure—it’s a chance to grow.
3. Notice When You Make Excuses
When we justify an action instead of changing it, that’s dissonance at work.
Do you ever find yourself making excuses for someone else’s bad behavior?
Do you tell yourself a situation is “fine” when it clearly isn’t?
Noticing these patterns is the first step to breaking them.
4. Seek Out Diverse Perspectives
One of the best ways to challenge dissonance is to expose yourself to different viewpoints. Talk to people who see the world differently than you do.
Not to argue.
Not to “win.”
But to understand.
The more we understand each other, the more we expand our capacity for love and empathy.
5. Practice Radical Honesty with Yourself
Self-awareness isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty. If we can admit when we’re wrong, we can grow.
And guess what? That’s okay. Being wrong doesn’t make us bad people—it makes us human.
Cognitive dissonance is part of life. We all experience it. But how we respond to it determines our ability to grow.
We can either:
Cling to old beliefs and justify actions that don’t align with who we want to be…
Or embrace the discomfort, be honest with ourselves, and become better, more open-hearted people.
When we lean into self-awareness with love and humility, we don’t just grow—we help create a world that is more compassionate, understanding, and connected.
So this week, let’s be brave enough to question, honest enough to reflect, and kind enough to extend that same grace to others.
Because in the end, love isn’t about always being right. It’s about always being willing to grow.
Until next time, keep loving, keep learning, and keep making those ripples.
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