For anyone who has felt that familiar, dreaded sensation—the racing heart, the tight chest, the mind spiraling into a thousand worst-case scenarios—the immediate instinct is to fight it. To push it down, wish it away, and get it to the curb. We treat anxiety like a relentless enemy, a bug in our system that we need to eradicate.
For 30 years, I felt the exact same way. My "ride or die at the control panel of my life" was an anxiety part. It felt like a loyal, but deeply burdensome, companion I just couldn't shake.
But what if I told you that this part of you isn't trying to destroy your life? What if its fundamental mission is actually to protect you?
This shift in perspective is the key to truly healing. It’s a concept rooted in "parts work," a method influenced by a therapeutic model called Internal Family Systems (IFS). And it changes everything.
Meet Your 'Parts'
At its core, IFS believes that we are not a single, singular entity. Instead, we are made up of many different "parts."
Think about it. We all have different sides of us that emerge in different situations. Maybe you recognize some of these in yourself:
* A people-pleasing part
* A perfectionist part
* An overachieving part
* A workaholic part
We can have hundreds of parts, from the ones that help us function to the ones that lead to addiction or self-abandonment. But here is the radical truth:
every single one of these parts, no matter how chaotic or destructive it may seem, believes it is helping you survive.
These parts often emerge when we don't feel safe or capable of dealing with a perceived threat. They are born in moments of survival.
So, What is Your Anxious Part's Job?
Your anxious part is one of the most loyal protectors you have. Its entire job is to scan for threats and keep you on high alert.
This part gets activated when one of our three fundamental needs feels threatened:
* Love and belonging
* Safety and security
* Our physiological needs
Even just feeling like you might not be liked by a group can feel like a threat to your need to belong. When a need might not be met, your system perceives it as a threat to your very being, and a part must be activated to protect you.
The problem is, this part carries a very heavy responsibility to keep you safe all the time. It is burdened because it doesn't believe that your core Self is actually capable of handling the job.
From Conflict to Compassion
So how does knowing this help?
When you can finally see that anxiety is just a
part of you—not the whole you—and that this part has a benevolent mission, the internal war begins to cease. You realize you don't have to hate it.
You can get curious. You can build a different relationship with it.
When you can turn to that anxious part and build trust, showing it that you (your core Self) can lead and are capable of keeping yourself safe, something magical happens. The anxiety will start to tamper down.
This is how we move from a relationship of internal
conflict to one of compassion and curiosity. You are not an anxious person; you are a whole person who has a part that is activated and trying to help.
Ready to Go Deeper?
This is just a small glimpse into the work we'll do inside The Calm Code, my book and course designed to help you heal the root of anxiety. We dive deep into understanding trauma, the nervous system, your window of tolerance, and how to map your own individual parts to finally move from a state of survival to one of safety and connection.
If you are ready to build a new, more compassionate relationship with yourself, I invite you to join the waitlist.
Click Here to Join The Calm Code Waitlist
(https://www.flipyourmindset.com/thecalmcode)
I'd love to hear from you in the comments. What "parts" do you recognize most in yourself? Sharing helps all of us feel less alone.
