There comes a moment for many women when effort stops delivering results. You’re doing all the right things — working harder, staying capable, caring for everyone — and yet you feel stuck, exhausted, and frustrated.
In this conversation, I sat down with Leslie Gordon Christie of BUFF Nation to explore what really changes when women stop pushing and start listening. What unfolded was a deeply honest discussion about subconscious programming, nervous system regulation, embodiment, and the powerful questions that can quietly shift everything.
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When Hustle Stops Working
I asked Leslie to take us back to the moment she realized that pushing harder wasn’t the answer anymore.
She shared that this realization came early in her career while working as a television anchor and reporter. On the surface, everything looked successful — but internally she felt stressed, stuck, and disconnected. She didn’t yet understand how much her thinking patterns were shaping her experience.
What she noticed was a familiar spiral: the more she focused on frustration and what wasn’t working, the more entrenched those feelings became. Life began to feel like a snowball rolling downhill, gathering momentum in the wrong direction.
At the same time, she was navigating a divorce and returning to work after maternity leave. It was a moment of reckoning — the kind that forces you to either stay stuck or choose something different.
That was when she hired a coach and discovered something essential:Pushing, hustling, and driving harder only create more of the same. The real shift has to happen internally first.
Why External Fixes Aren’t Enough in Midlife
Leslie comes from a strong fitness and nutrition background, but her work today goes far beyond workouts and meal plans.
Like many women, she initially believed the external solution would be the fix — exercising more, doing better, trying harder. And while making time for yourself is important, the mistake many women make is assuming that external action alone creates lasting change.
What she learned is this:
Your habits create your results — and your habits are driven by your subconscious programming.
Until we understand and work with that internal operating system, real change remains out of reach.
Your Subconscious Is Running the Show
Research suggests that 96–98% of our behaviors and results are driven by subconscious patterns. In coaching, this is often referred to as our paradigm.
Leslie shared a powerful analogy:Imagine trying to take photos on a phone that’s out of storage space. The phone freezes or shuts down — not because it’s broken, but because it needs an upgrade.
We’re no different.
If we want new results, we need to upgrade our internal operating system so we have the capacity to receive and sustain change.
You can always tell what your subconscious program is by looking at your results.
The Exhausted High-Capacity Woman
This conversation struck close to home for me. I described a dear friend — incredibly capable, caring, and generous — who looks like she has it all together. Her home is immaculate, she shows up for everyone, and she never says no.
And yet:
* She doesn’t sleep
* She lives with chronic pain
* She’s emotionally exhausted
* She carries quiet resentment
* She keeps going anyway
So many women recognize themselves in this story.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Leslie named it clearly: many women carry a deep, unconscious identity as the protector and caregiver. Over time, those roles — combined with outdated beliefs — become exhausting.
Which brings us to the five questions.
Five Powerful Questions That Change Everything
1. Where am I still playing small out of fear, not truth?
This question asks you to look honestly at the roles, habits, and stories you’re holding onto that no longer reflect who you’re becoming.
Often this shows up as:
* Turning down opportunities
* Minimizing your visibility
* Staying “safe” instead of seen
Before answering, Leslie suggests first asking:Who do I want to become now?
2. What parts of me have I been silencing or hiding?
Many women learned early on that certain parts of themselves weren’t welcome. Over time, those parts get buried — not healed.
There is tremendous freedom in acknowledging them with compassion.
At this stage of life, we have the wisdom and experience to meet ourselves honestly — and that can be a profound turning point.
3. What do I need more of — not just in my schedule, but in my soul?
This is a game-changing question.
What brings you joy, peace, and a sense of aliveness?
For me, when I asked this at 60, the answer was simple: connection. Not grand gestures — just more intentional moments of closeness, conversation, and presence.
Often, what we need more of is already within reach.
4. Who do I become when I fully trust myself?
If fear and doubt weren’t in charge:
* How would you speak?
* How would you move?
* How would you lead?
* How would you live?
I love reframing this as:What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?
So many women edit their dreams before they ever try — because they’ve never seen someone “like them” do it.
That’s not truth. That’s conditioning.
5. What is one bold step I’m ready to take in the next 30 days?
This isn’t about overhauling your life.
It’s about one courageous step:
* Investing in support
* Saying yes to an opportunity
* Taking a trip
* Beginning a new practice
One step forward — without overwhelm.
Coming Home to the Body
We also talked about embodiment — learning to feel emotions instead of overriding them.
So many women fear their emotions:What if I get overwhelmed? What if I can’t handle it?
Leslie’s approach is simple and grounded:
* Slow down
* Breathe (inhale 4, exhale 6)
* Notice where the emotion lives in the body
* Name it without judgment
When emotions are felt and moved through the body, they lose their power.
She also shared tools like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and personal mantras such as:
I am safe. I am guided. I receive.
These practices calm the nervous system and create space for clarity.
Why “Just Be Positive” Can Be Harmful
We touched on toxic positivity — the idea that negative emotions shouldn’t exist.
True growth doesn’t come from bypassing feelings. It comes from perspective, not suppression.
Every disappointment holds information. Not failure — feedback.
As Marianne Williamson says:If the bus doesn’t stop for you, it’s not your bus.
That doesn’t invalidate the experience. It simply invites a wider view.
Strength as Self-Trust, Not Punishment
We also reframed strength training — especially for midlife women.
Exercise doesn’t need to be punishment.Our bodies want cooperation, collaboration, and partnership.
Some days that means strength training.Other days it means walking or resting.
Strength becomes an act of self-respect — a way of helping the body work for you, not against you.
Is It Ever Too Late?
The idea that “it’s too late” is just another inherited program.
Leslie shared the famous pot roast story — habits passed down without questioning their original purpose. Many beliefs linger long after they’ve stopped serving us.
The real question isn’t Is it too late?It’s:
Is believing this serving you — or shrinking you?
Growth doesn’t stop at any age. When we stop growing, we feel stuck. When we choose expansion, we feel alive.
A Gentle Invitation
This conversation is a reminder that midlife isn’t a closing chapter — it’s a turning point.
If you’re feeling the call to slow down, listen inward, and take one brave step forward, trust that impulse.
It’s not too late.It never was.
