Don’t get me wrong… I’m all about the fun. In fact, WTF? That was mine … but my acronym meant “where’s the fun?” Gotta figure out how it all morphed so terribly wrong.
Anyway…
Today’s topic is about F-U-N!
I’ve been in places in my life where it wasn’t much fun. I bet you have too.
What I didn’t really understand was that I was making a choice. Yup. A choice about the fun. I can make fun happen at a funeral (I’m bound to get letters on that one!). Today I want to share how you can make the mundane more marvelous with mindfulness. And bring on the FUN!
Here’s the thing: life looks busy, loud, and fun on Instagram. But what about when the phone is quiet, the kids are gone, and the house feels a little too still? That’s when the restlessness creeps in. Today, I want to show you how to flip that loneliness into joy—and make fun a choice, not an accident.
Do you like to have fun? Of course! No one signs up for the class “How to be Serious”. Our default wiring is all about worrying, fretting and ruminating. I don’t think anyone needs a class in that.
So we DO sign up for all the fun things… travel, parties, shopping, wine with girlfriends, redecorating. And we post all the photos on insta and tell everyone that we are SOOOO BUSY.
But, girlfriend, what about when it gets quiet for a bit? Phone’s not binging or buzzing. No parties right now. Actually, you feel a little burnt out from it all. Hard to settle to sleep. You might feel restless, lonely, like there should be more? You must be missing out because other people seem so much happier or important.
So you start to scroll… plan a trip… buy something online… reach for a snack or a nice glass of wine. Anything to fill in the quiet spot… distract you from that uncomfortable loneliness or boredom or restlessness.
I totally get it.
Around menopause, my weight gain was really bothering me. And there were too many quiet moments where my discomfort got really, well, uncomfortable. I knew that I was emotionally eating to distract from those awkward times.
My kids were busy with their own lives. I was sort of retired and my friends all seemed super busy with their jobs or their kids. After decades of being in the thick of things, I was lonely and left behind. That hurt.
We have all put in decades of building our knowledge base. Putting love into so many things. I guess I just thought that there would be this pot of gold here at the end of the rainbow. You know, life knocking on my door and saying “here’s the meaning of it all” or “congratulations oh wise woman, we revere you”.
In yoga philosophy, we practice not grasping for things. Not being materialistic. Denying the ego. Like the image of the wise figure on the mountain top, serenely meditating. That wasn’t my experience unfortunately. I did not feel serene. All the good mountain tops were taken.
Here’s what I discovered.
There’s no phoning it in. If we’re going to experience the life we really want, we have to reach out and make it happen.
We were willing to do this when we were younger. We dreamed of a career, went to school. We hunted around for a good mate, bought a great house, made a life for ourselves. But we have absorbed some crazy cultural myth that now we’ve graduated from that effort. Based on our age and experience, we can just sit back and life will find us.
I hear this from my friends and clients often. The desire to just sit back and see what unfolds. It is partly the yoga philosophy talking. We don’t want to be greedy or egotistical.
Here’s the truth my friends. You can just phone it in. Wait and see what happens. Be reactionary rather than visionary. But my bet is that you are going to feel restless with that. You’re too smart and talented to be battered about by the waves of fate.
My guess is that mostly what I’m hearing from my friends and clients is exhaustion. They have been self sacrificing and putting that finger in the dike for so long that there is little left over for their own self development.
That’s where I was at. Until I just looked in the mirror and said, that’s it. It FINALLY sunk in that there was no prince charming, no magic potion, no yoga fairy that was going to show me the way to go.
The protocol I used to find my way to losing 25 pounds, feeling energized and motivated again has become the SHE Mindfulness Program. I really want to share this with you so you can shape your life, not just phone it in.
First step? Living fully means challenging yourself with goals. Big goals and dreams.
Now why would you bother with that stuff? I had lots of dreams that never came true. I had tried shooting for goals and been disappointed in the past. At some point, can’t I just drift along and never feel that angst again???
Here’s why you can’t just fluff it away.
The discomfort you expose yourself to – on purpose – while shooting for goals and dreams reveals the thoughts that cause you discomfort when things are quiet.
Remember the loneliness, restlessness, boredom that we mentioned before? When the phone is quiet and no one is around and not much is happening. There are thoughts that are running through your mind during those periods. They are unkind, judgmental, repetitive thoughts. They drive us to behave and say things we would rather not in a different frame of mind.
They drive us to eat chips at night when we’re not really hungry. Those thoughts pick at our brain until we’re exhausted and snap at our husbands. They knock us down when new invitations come up, eat away at our confidence.
That’s not fun.
So I made some goals. The first one was to lose 10 pounds. It was daunting. It doesn’t sound like a lot of weight to some people but to me, it was Mount Everest. I was stressed just thinking about all the food I was going to have to cut out and extra exercise I’d had to find time and energy for.
But then I applied mindfulness to the task. Which means being aware of my moment to moment experience AND meeting those feelings with kindness, curiosity and non judgment.
I faced those b****y thoughts when I wanted chips or I was afraid I’d not be successful at my goal. I’m not enough. I don’t deserve to get thin. I’m going to be old and alone. I’m too old to try new things. Everyone else has something that makes their life amazing but I missed out.
In the SHE Mindfulness Program, I’ll teach you exactly how to face thoughts like these. Exactly what to do with the discomfort. And keep on track with the actions that will get you your goal.
I remember about 3 months into the weight loss process. I was camping in Florida and didn’t have a scale. I had no idea if the protocol was actually working. But I liked how it felt. I was being kinder in my head. I was feeling more confident. Then, at a thrift store, I managed a quick weigh in.
Can I communicate to you my elation that I was actually down a few pounds???!!! I just kept screaming “it works!!!”. Totally blew my mind. I hadn’t cut out a food group or taken on any crazy workouts. I just used mindful eating and the other components of the SHE protocol. Totally do-able. Even in my tiny trailer.
Now my thoughts were often like “I’m rocking it”, or “what a ride this is” or “as long as I’m learning and growing like this, I’ll never feel old”. My relationships started to feel more meaningful. I was sharing my truth and being more authentic.
And this, my friends, is what fun is really about. Not based on external situations. But from a deep wellspring of unstoppable joy that I am 100% in control of. This is why mundane stuff, like just staying at home or having a quiet tea with a friend, can be so soul satisfying.
It’s not because the # on the scale went down. It’s how I changed in the process. The changes in my brain.
So am I being greedy or egotistical? I’ve thought long and hard about this.
In yoga philosophy, there is the concept of dharma. It means our life’s purpose. We are each born with a unique set of gifts and talents. In alignment with the universal good, we are charged with getting out there and sharing them. We are to be of service. Make the world a better place.
I was hiding behind too much flesh. I was hiding behind excuses about being tired and old. I was letting my talents and gifts go dormant. That is not my job according to the philosophy of dharma. Because I was letting those b****y thoughts hold too much real estate in my brain, I wasn’t in alignment with what the universe really needed from me.
After losing ten pounds, then 15 and then finally 25, I realized that mindfulness and setting goals was an unlimited process. What else did I feel a deep longing around?
The same protocol that helped me lose the weight is being applied to other areas of my life including weight training, setting boundaries with family and building my online business.
Now that goal is really scary. About 75% of my brain thinks I’m on crack cocaine for setting the income goals I have. How will I ever get those sales? I don’t know how to do social media! What will the neighbours think? But there’s part of me that’s super excited and feeling very alive. That’s what I choose to focus on. Every day I have a plan. I’m learning to do what I say and create confidence in my abilities. I’m tapping into my authentic voice and sharing my truth with you.
I’m not hiding behind bags of chips or excuses about being tired. I’m out there, boldly flaunting my dharma for all to see. And it’s fun.
That’s why we need goals and dreams. Why we need to reach outside of our comfort zone on purpose. The skills we practice along this journey to our dreams builds muscle to bounce back from life’s surprises. And disappointments.
What if I don’t meet my business goal? Will it all be wasted? Will I be so embarrassed to tell you all?
See this is what’s so fun! It doesn’t matter about the actual goal! I can’t fail! The thoughts that I’ve confronted… the kindnesses that I’ve built into my day… the deepening appreciation for my own gifts and talents… those are mine no matter what.
If I hadn’t set the goal, I’d be doing the same old. So I set the goal, it’s going as it’s going. No matter what… when a year is up, I will be a changed brain. Change that I directed and supervised. I am in control. I’m proactive… not reactive. Being a big ass boss of my own life.
And that is fun, my friend.
