Man…
I’m not sure how to approach this one. A song is a lot of things- It’s like the social media version of yourself, a shell, a presentation. It can be like a prayer or a wish. A song can be a confession, the kind of utterance you make to clear your soul. I think there’s a certain amount of magic in a song, not unlike anything you give your focus to. There's a term for when you learn a new word and then it seems suddenly to be in everything you read. Having a musical set of words you play to yourself in your head can be like a lens. Don’t Worry, Be happy. Everything is Gonna Be All Right.
Lets skip back a couple to the one where you bare your soul to be free of its contents, or to share them, like a public confession. You can show who you really are to strangers. It can be bad. And if they don't stone you, it’s probably not as bad as you thought.
This is one of those. As I wrote it I at once thought, “Should I say that out loud?” and, “This shit is great.” We probably all have these orbits in our lives where certain things pass that wouldn't pass in other orbits. I have never sworn around my parents, for example. It wouldn't be proper. But I think it’s ok, or maybe even important for kids to know how to swear. When you get to be my age it’s a pretty handy way to let younger people know I’m not their parent, but their peer…. God, that looks shitty on a page. I am pegging myself with the faux cool high school teacher who said shit like, “Mr. Knutson? That’s my dad’s name.” to let the high schoolers know that he was down. I have chased cool and found myself at it’s antithesis. But this song IS that.
I have found myself comfortably in the company of criminals and hillbillies and racists and homophobes and mysogenists and losers and drunks and druggies and famous people and..nobody wants to hear that all the humans deserve the same level of compassion and honor. It’s the fucking human condition. There have definitely been people in my life I should have kicked out of bed for eating the metaphorical crackers. I do tend to let things ride and for all the opportunities there have been for things to go the other way, I am still here and relatively intact. The thing about stupid might be to not stop at stupid. Just keep going. I think it’s important to give people all the chances they need to do right. Some people don’t know they are supposed to. The evidence for the benefits of doing right are pretty obvious. Most people who start out down the path to destruction and mayhem get their shit together eventually. Some shitheads turn out to be the sweetest gentlest old fuckers. They know what wrong is. They tried it. It's a special right that the wrongheaded come to when they do.
I got fucked up and lost this song entirely, and it came back to me. I remember writing it, and recording it, and forgetting it and remembering it and looking for it and not finding it and then years later having it sent to me in a, remember this creepy fucker? Beautiful, right? Kind of a way.
I have had poison ivy covering my torso and thighs and have learned to breathe through a nearly overwhelming need to scratch. Im an alcoholic. I’m a cocaine addict. My religion was practically to lose control, to give up the reigns and let the scene and the mood and the spirit of the night and the fools around me and the emotional gravity run me like a hanky in the dryer. It’s a kind of freedom. It’s one of the innumerable ways there is to find your way. I made it. But before I got here, I unironically wrote this song-
Scratch
It’s a cherade. It’s a shadey business. There ain't a thing to witness. Woman I’m comin’ around. When I get paid, there’ll be full forgiveness. I’ve got no problem with this. Woman, I’m comin’ around. I could give myself up to the bay of funding couldn't I? And make a living out of leaving well enough alone. I’d have to change just to keep things the same now wouldn’t I, baby.
If I explain it’d be like books to witches burn and rock stars in the ditches. Woman I’m comin’ around. And my cocaine, and scratching where it itches and giving in to bitches, woman I’m comin’ around. I’d have to change just to keep things the same now wouldn’t I?.. to make a living out of leaving well enough alone. I could hook myself up to the bay of funding couldn’t I, baby?
The funny part is that both Joni Mitchell and Neil Young mention The Bay of Fundy in their lyrics and in my special junior rockstar bar guy mind I heard, “Bay of funding” and interpreted it to be this metaphorical we-know-david-geffen music industry money connection they had both landed in LA in the sixties with exactly zero real info other than the phrase itself to lead me there… to the bay of funding. I believe my own bullshit. It's a dangerous world.
Anyhoo, here’s where to buy the record this song appears on on Bandcamp. You can listen to it over and over again until you are a total sick-o.
it is track 5
