When I joined the professional world, I began encountering a curious phenomenon: people subtly probing to figure out how much money I made. Growing up, I was taught that discussing money was taboo. The one time I shared my financial details, it altered the relationship, and I never regretted keeping that boundary again. This experience led me to a deeper question: What do people actually want to know when they ask about someone’s income? Why am I always so curious about it?
To explore this, I wrote handwritten letters to four trusted financial advisors in my life and read several books on related topics. Through their responses, insights from the books, silent reflections, and numerous conversations, I distilled my thoughts into a framework that helped me understand what’s truly behind these financial inquiries. I wonder if I found the answer:
The Real Questions Behind "How Much Do You Make?"
When someone wonders about another person's earnings, I believe they’re really asking four things:
* Happiness – How much joy and fulfillment does this person experience in life?
* Security – How stable and protected is this person from financial hardship?
* Success – How materially accomplished is this person, and what external markers reflect that?
* Comparison – How do I measure up to them?
Money is a dominant force in everyone's life, shaping opportunities, stress levels, and personal choices. After reading the responses to my letters, reflecting on related books, and having countless discussions, I arrived at a central realization: financial independence and financial freedom are two distinct realities: the answer to financial independence is simply a number. What I discovered is that I was ultimately after the freedom that financial independence can provide—the ability to be at peace and do what I want, when I want, with whom I want, for as long as I want. I’m not there yet, but at least I know the destination I am working toward!
When people do subtly or overtly ask how much money I make, I revert to one of the four questions from above. “Well, what are you really asking?”
“Do you want to know how happy I am? How much security I have in my life? How much success I feel? Or do you just want to know how you compare against me?”
That usually leads to a deeper conversation that’s meaningful and impactful.
The Missing Piece: Peace
Freedom alone isn’t enough. There’s another critical piece: peace—the ability to sleep deeply at night without financial worry, waking up ready to be present in whatever the day brings you, or you bring to the day. I think what people really want when they say they want financial independence is peace of mind, heart, and soul. That is the true essence of financial independence.
Peace has become the litmus test for my life. I ask it frequently throughout the week, sometimes frequently each day: “Will this decision bring me peace?”.
The Non-Negotiable Rule: Suffer
One undeniable truth emerged from my exploration and practice: suffering is not optional; it’s essential.
Many people get so caught up in their careers, relationships, parenting, corporate ambitions, hobbies, and the pursuit of enjoyment that they neglect intentional financial and life planning. Without proper reflection, it’s easy to drift into debt, anxiety, and stress. Financial strain can erode relationships, mental well-being, and even self-worth, leaving you depleted and unable to be the best version of yourself. I look around, and I feel the weight of people's anxiety. It drips off them in conversations.
Identifying the obstacles to financial freedom is step one and step two requires the sacrifice and suffering to get around those obstacles. Life brings so much sacrifice and suffering anyway, why not place some upon yourself so that you can find peace and meaning in it since you know in the suffering you are achieving a greater goal. It also prepares you for the suffering that comes along that is not dictated by you.
“Living below your means” is something I have always heard, and while it’s simple, it’s not easy (for a bazillion reasons, not least of all is all the influencers telling us what we need to buy). Doing it takes discipline and suffering, but I believe it changes everything and allows for peaceful living.
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The True Meaning of Financial Independence
Ultimately, financial independence is not just about having enough money—it’s about designing a life that fosters freedom and peace. It’s about ensuring that money serves you, rather than the other way around. It is a tool that is understood, well cared for, and utilized when needed. It requires mindful choices, discipline, and long-term vision. Because in the end, true wealth is measured not just in numbers but in the depth of peace and fulfillment it allows you to experience.
“It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.” — Seneca
Thanks for reading Andy’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.
In case you want to read some of the books that guided me on this journey:
The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness, Morgan Housel
What Your Money Means: And How to Use It Well, Frank Hanna
Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness, Epictetus
Poor Charlie’s Almanac, Charlie Munger
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer
No Small Goals: The Life of Dr. Ernesto Cofiño, Thomas McDonough
As a Man Thinketh and other Writings: From Poverty to Power, Eight Pillars of Prosperity, The Mastery of Destiny, and Out from the Heart, James Allen
Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know, Adam Grant
The Missionary of Wall Street, Stephen Auth
The Art of Dying Well, St. Robert Bellarmine
