Good morning Friends,
I can’t believe that we’ve done 1/12th of 2022 already. I’m sure we say it every year, but it feels like it’s going quicker than ever.
The reason for saying this is that I’m off to Dubai to play golf next week. This is not a humble brag, but more a lightbulb moment that February is here already.
I don’t feel ready for February.
It means we are done with January (obviously), have 11 months left of the year and 4 days to get done all the work I need to before flying.
Oh and it’s the Other Half’s birthday, so a big pressie is needed too.
It’s nothing personal against February, as it’s a wonderful month, especially for birthday’s.
At last count there were 11 for close friends and family. Not quite at the levels of ‘Super November’ but probably the 2nd most popular month in my year.
So as February gets ever closer, so does my golf trip away and the dread of standing on the 1st tee…
Lightbulb Moment
Golf is a wonderful game when it goes well.
It can be a joy.
The open air, spending time with friends, and the relaxation in the Club House after with a nice cold drink.
But golf has a dark side.
A side no-one tells you about when you start.
It has an amazing ability to bring out the worst in you. The side you try and keep hidden.
* The Hyde to your Jekyll.
* The Hulk to your Banner
The reason for saying this is golf has a way of grounding us. But not in the way most expect. It’s not about manners or etiquette (although these are a core attributes of a golfer), but rather dealing with adversity.
Let me explain…
During a round of golf, you will have to face your demons.
The voices in your head that whisper sweet nothings. Not the kind that make you smile, but those which cause you to doubt yourself or get angry.
Picture this:
You are standing on the tee box (the area where golfers hit their first shot on a hole), staring down the fairway. You can see the pin (hole) in the distance just right of centre.
It’s about 350 yards away.
So you go through your pre-shot routine (everyone has one even if you’ve never played before); those little idiosyncrasies that help you settle over the ball.
And then, when ready, you swing the club at great speed sending the ball on its way.
The problem is it doesn’t go quite as planned.
Rather than sailing down the middle of the fairway, it flies off, not straight, but off to the right. Heading towards the deepest of all deep roughs. The kind that Bilbo Baggins would have trudged through in the Lord of the Rings.
At which point it comes to a stop, settling against a broken branch on the ground.
“Sh*t”, you think.
That is not ideal.
So off you trot, picking up your clubs, throwing them over your shoulder as you curse considerably under your breath.
After a few mins, you discover your ball hiding from sight in an absolute stinker of a position (that’s a technical term obviously).
Without a moments hesitant you grab your trusty 7-iron and stand over the ball, beginning the preparation phrase for the next shot.
But there is a problem.
You haven’t stopped thinking about your (previous) tee shot yet. In fact, you’re still holding on to it. This in turn makes you more cross, positively making your situation worse.
It’s not until you notice that you are gripping the club tighter than ever before, how you are feeling. You are now desperate to take your frustration out on the golf ball; in turn sending it down the middle of the fairway and towards the hole.
The issue is as you become tense, your technique goes out the window and all you are doing is focusing on smashing the ball further than you ever have before.
The whites of your knuckles are now showing.
Your teeth are clenched.
You are ready to do battle with the golf ball.
So you start your swing; reaching peak coil at the top of the backswing, the golf club poised to be an instrument of blunt force trauma on an unsuspecting golf ball.
The club head rushes towards the stationary ball nestled against the pained blades of grass in front of you.
There’s contact.
There’s a brief blink of the eyes as a natural reflex from such exertion.
The club head speeds through where the ball was placed as you commence your follow through. Your gaze following the trajectory of the ball.
Well that’s what you think.
The problem is the golf ball hasn’t commenced flight from the lie, flying high in the sky, searching out the fairway.
Oh no, instead it’s taken a far more dramatic route.
Screaming off to the right, in search of a bush, about 100 yards from where you stand.
This is not a good result.
It will no doubt require some further searching in the long grass, swishing of the golf club side-to-side to try and unearth another buried ball. All in the hope it is in a playable i.e., you can hit it (!) position.
It might sound like a story, but I can assure you, this is a tale of golf woe up and down the land, repeated on a worryingly frequent basis.
There is a reason why golf is described as a ‘good walk spoilt’!
But the harsh reality is this situation was avoidable.
And you only have yourself to blame.
There are many lessons we can learn from this experience.
Firstly it is we are all going to fail.
At some point.
It is inevitable.
Just as Agent Smith told Neo in the Matrix,
“It is the sound of inevitability Mr Anderson.”
Secondly, it’s how we deal with this failure that matters.
Do we hold onto it? Almost bearing a grudge against the situation that has just unfolded.
Or do we do learn from it? Accepting it’s happened, letting the frustration go, and focusing on what comes next.
In golfing terms, this is what helps separate good from great golfers.
Those individuals who can immediate let go of what has just happened, to solely focus on the next shot, chip or put immediately puts them at an unfair advantage.
And that’s the lightbulb moment that hit me.
No matter how much the failure hurts, holding on to it does nothing but hinder progress. It hurts us. It stunts our development.
But we should not ignore it either.
Accepting failure happens and then learning from it, is how we grow as people. Understanding what caused the failure, what we can control, letting go of what we can’t and learning how to avoid it in the future, is why failure is so important.
If we never fail, how can we learn?
It always reminds me of being 11 and in ski school for the 1st time, frantically trying to keep up with the ski instructor as we navigated down the mountain (read very slight slope, but mountain sounds much more dramatic).
As the instructor glided down the mountain, easily creating perfect snow plough turns (it’s much harder than it looks) whilst I concentrated on pizza not chips (the shape the skis need to be in), she shouted back:
“If you’re not falling over, you’re not pushing yourself hard enough.”
(Tweet this)
I didn’t fully appreciate the meaning at the time but it’s a phrase that has stuck with me ever since.
* She wanted us to learn.
* And you learn by doing.
* But by doing, you increase the chances of failing.
* And failing hurts (literally if on skis).
* But that’s how we improve.
Once you have fallen over on skis, you don’t want to do it again. So you work hard to improve so it doesn’t happen.
This is the best way to learn.
NB; As a side note, the sooner can you go from snow plough turns to parallel turns, the more enjoyable skiing becomes (and a lot less tiring!).
So whether it be golf, skiing, your work, a hobby or anything else, please don’t be afraid of failure.
Embrace the fact it will happen and focus on learning from it so you can achieve the successful outcome you want.
With that, I’m off to find my passport & pack my golf bag ready for take off.
Have a great Sunday,
-Bren
