Welcome, you are listening to Every Song. A series where I play songs I’ve written throughout the years and share the stories behind them.
The couple of songs I’m going to play today are both songwriting exercises. Therefore they are not about any one pers on in particular. For the most part, they are thematically inspired by the general emotions I felt during these events, but pulled from interactions with multiple people.
This first song is about the many connections, however short or insignificant, that I was still not over during the time of writing. At that age, because I didn’t have space to explore interpersonal romantic relationships, I didn’t learn how to process emotional pain and discomfort at all. Which resulted in me having very unhealthy attachment issues going forward. Sometimes not being able to let go of something that’s not good for me and sometimes being totally heartless and emotionally detached.
Emotional intelligence was not something that was nurtured or encouraged in my upbrining - only practical survival, financial literacy, and getting by. Which makes sense because how can people who have zero emotional intelligence teach emotional intelligence? They can’t. So, how I processed emotions and navigating relationships was something I had to learn for myself out in the streets and it was a horrible experience; and I wished that I had older people in my life that helped me growing up as a teenager and as a young adult, instead of judging me and only giving me conditional affection and support.
I wrote this song when I was 19 and at the time I didn’t realise how much help, professional or personal support, I actually needed. Reading and singing back the 2nd verse of this song, I didn’t realise that I was actually literally crying out for help and not just rhyming. It’s weird looking back at it now and seeing the signs very clearly. Did I ever ask for help irl? No. But music was the only way I knew how to deal with it.
This song is called Hurting For You Still. Written on the 3rd of March 2011.
110303 Hurting For You Still
Hello there handsomeOh, all these strangers know our story nowFor you are all i ever sing aboutNeedless to say you inspire meCome whatever mayYou are just perfectYou make me feel like I’m so worthlessYou’ve got a new loverShe’s okay, I guessIf you’re into princessesAnd dainty little damsels in distress
What would you sayIf I told you I have missed you all these days?What would you thinkIf I said my love for you still exists?What would you doIf I just ignored you coy and cool?How would you feelIf you knew I’m hurting for you still?
Oh, help me cupidI should let go of him, I’m stupidHe’d never want me like beforeOr lay next to me on the floor againHe doesn’t even remember me anymoreOh Mr. Feel GoodHelp me explain what’s been misunderstoodI didn’t mean to cause commotionThe Doctor of Love won’t give me potions|To help me numb out all emotionsSomebody help me
So maybe I’llSee you again in five years’ timeMaybe by then you’ll have a wifeYou’ll have it goodYou’d live your lifeAnd I would have nothing but these rhymesAlways alone by the end of the nightSomebody help me
The next one is another song that is about the process of missing past romantic connections and being unhealthily attached to them for longer than I should have been because, as a young person, I was not given the emotional and mental toolkit to get through the regular lifecycle of crushes starting, going through it, and ending with broken hearts.
Writing-wise, I had a lot of fun experimenting with this when I was 17 and I still have a lot of fun singing this every now and then. Which is funny because this is supposed to be a sad song.
This is My Baby. I wrote it on the 30th of May 2009.
090530 My Baby
My baby’s got me cryin’Cause she walked out that doorMy baby ain’t my baby anymoreCause she’s got some other girlSee, my baby used to be mineBut she found somebody newWithout my baby I haven’t got a clueNow I’ve got nothin’ left to lose
My baby’s got me feelin’ downShe’s got me feelin’ blueMy baby left me with a frownEvery sign of deceit was the truthSee, my baby said she’d stay with meBut now she’s fading awayWithout my baby I am lost for wordsBut there is still so much left to say
My baby took my appetiteSo, now I feel so hollow insideMy baby took away the lightNow every day’s an endless nightSee, my baby was my whole damn lifeAnd I cannot even put up a fightIf my baby no longer wants meThen I’ll go but one day she will be sorry
My baby hasMy baby and I are doneMy baby left a messAnd I still haven’t moved on to the nextSee, my baby still lives in my dreamsEven though it has been three whole yearsWithout my baby I’m emotionless and hardNow I’m living my life with no sight, no heart
Thank you for listening to episode 44 of Every Song. Until next time.
