If you've ever felt like you don't know who you are outside of what you've achieved, this episode is for you. Psychologist Dr. Therese Mascardo explains the 4 warning signs that show you've lost yourself in your achievements and exactly how to build a sense of self that isn't dependent on external validation.
You'll learn how to rediscover who you were before you learned to perform for love, how to build multiple identity anchors so your worth doesn't collapse when one area struggles, and how to create purpose beyond performance. If you're a high achiever who feels hollow despite success, or you're terrified of who you'd be without your defining role, this conversation will help you remember that you're a whole person, not just what you produce.
Listen now:
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/checking-in-with-dr-therese-mascardo/id1847993697
Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/0JYJn4AqCeUU67dKcmhnyg
YouTube:https://youtube.com/@exploringtherapy
SPONSORED BY THERAPYNOTES This episode is made possible by TherapyNotes, the all-in-one practice management software that helps therapists handle notes, scheduling, billing, and telehealth so they can focus on people, not paperwork.
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In This Episode:
The 4 Warning Signs You've Lost Yourself:
Can't imagine yourself without this thing you do - The thought of losing your role feels like you'd cease to exist
Your mood is completely dependent on performance - When there's a setback, you don't just feel disappointed, you feel like you're failing as a person
Afraid of disappointing people if you change - You've convinced yourself that relationships are built on what you do, not who you are
Stopped investing in parts that don't produce results - Everything in your life became about optimizing for your main achievement
The 4 Strategies That Actually Work:
Rediscover your original blueprint (what you loved before achievement became everything)
Build multiple identity anchors (invest in parts of life that aren't about achieving)
Practice emotional regulation that's not performance-dependent (feel stable even when achievements aren't perfect)
Create purpose beyond performance (meaning that survives any transition)
Key Quotes:
"We become so good at being what our achievements require that we forget who we were before we learned to perform."
"When you can't imagine who you'd be without your achievement, you've stopped being a person and become a function."
"Your performance metrics become your self-worth metrics, and that's a recipe for emotional chaos."
"We mistake being needed for being loved, and then we're terrified to stop being useful."
"Your authentic self isn't something you need to create—it's something you need to uncover."
"A healthy identity is like a house with multiple rooms—if one room needs renovation, you don't lose the whole house."
"Your deepest purpose isn't what you do—it's what you're here to give to the world, which can happen through any vehicle you choose."
Why This Episode Matters:
Here's something most high achievers don't realize: we live in a culture that teaches us to find our identity in what we do rather than who we are. And the more successful you become at something, the more dangerous this becomes.
You learned that you were more lovable, more valuable, more worthy when you were producing results. So you kept producing, and producing, until the production became you.
But recognizing that you've lost yourself in your achievements isn't a sign of weakness or failure. It's actually a sign of intelligence and self-awareness. The people who never question their identity are often the ones living the most unconscious lives.
You don't have to choose between being successful and having a whole life. You just need to understand what's actually happening and make some strategic shifts.
This episode walks you through exactly how to do that, with strategies you can start using this week.
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About Checking In:
This podcast is for high-achievers, perfectionists, and eldest daughters who look like they have it all together but are silently struggling. Think of me like a big sister with a doctorate who's been there too and knows what actually helps.
No confusing academic jargon or pretending I have all the answers. Just real conversations about building a life you don't need to escape from.
New episodes every Thursday.
