LOST ALIVE
I lost you alive
To the draw of the earth
To lies of the enemy
That promised self-worth
You took just one look
You never came back
Lust led to the bite
Life under attack
The deceit was compounded
My intimacy lost
Prideful declarations
Closed eyes to the cost
Exhausted & independent
You replanted again
The weed’s curse overtook
Your best doctrines of men
The lack in the dirt
Cannot be perfected
And all the vain trying
Left your soul neglected
Eden was real
You chose to doubt
Worshiping creation
Left you locked out
The Garden isn’t yours
I took it away
Only Christ can make new
My earth on His day
Once & for all
Yoke your life to Me
I’ve patiently waited
To set your soul free
Humility, brokenness
Repentance from sin
Christ’s indwelling life
To His rest enter in ©
I scribbled this poem on a yellow legal pad, years ago, while nursing wounds from a relationship loss. It served to complete my soul’s need to sort things out before I deposited the pad on a stack of papers “to be filed.” In that process I went back, again, to the beginning, pondering from my limited perspective, how our Creator might have felt about the broken union in His original family. What He had known was gone. And the precedent for choosing sin, running & hiding had been set. Forever forward, pride’s natural tendency propelled future generations to flee, deny, & reject proposed offers of reconciliation & restoration… both with God & with people.
If you have been the recipient of a living death relational split, you may agree with me that nothing hurts quite like it. To be blindsided, out-of-the-blue feels cruel, especially when you didn’t even know anything was amiss. The enemy can then try to capitalize on our vulnerable state of mind, fueling our thoughts toward bitterness. If we continue to hold a grudge & grow hard-hearted, it’s a no-win situation. And we will see the offender as a relational “prodigal.”
I’ve Lost You Alive reflects a breach in trust…ultimately with God, but also with people. Feeling left out & stuck in a cut-off relationship can seem worse than physical death. Because it feels intentional, purposely rejecting & often illusive. Spiritual connectedness, while physically separated, is much preferred to living spiritually separation & residing near the person who walked away. The sandpaper effect of prodigal relationships hasn’t been lost on me. These relational rifts are multifaceted & rear their heads in unexpected ways. Gossip, lying, betrayal, cheating, stealing, & comparison rooted in self-love, are bred in everyday life situations…with friends & family, in marriage, at work, church, & community.
Relational erosion is often unseen, IF you assume it can’t, or never will, happen to you. God has been very gracious to me. When I feel hurt by another’s insensitive words or actions, He always asks me the same question. “What am I showing you, about yourself, in this situation?” When His searchlight reveals my soul, & I see my own shortcomings in that moment, I am rightfully reminded of my own need for His proclaimed forgiveness. Plus, He reminds me that He knows the other person’s heart better than I ever will. Then the temptation to be unforgiving falls away, my finger stops pointing, & I don’t react like a stranger I don’t even know! Refusal to submit to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, in the moment, can lead to a very lonely, bitter, emotional place. Healing comes only when we humble ourselves before the Lord & stop focusing on the person who hurt us. This is the first step toward reconciliation…recognizing our own issues.
I know I’ve struck a very raw nerve here. I still grapple with the obedience God requires of me when my heart feels like ground meat. But is there anyone who hasn’t been hurt & devastated by another misunderstood soul? Thankfully, our heavenly Father has provided THE way out of what we see as our foiled relational Eden. His forgiveness, redemption & reconciliation stand securely today. These words are easier said in haste than practically applied in conflict. In this, Jesus is our perfect role model. He experienced a rejecting sorrow that we never will, & He carried the condemnation we could never bear… all without hatred or retaliation toward his false accusers. The answer is the same as it was in the beginning…becoming part of His family, again, through the atoning acceptance of the Lord Jesus Christ. Only when we are freed from any remnants of comparing bitterness, are we willing & able to open the door of our hearts & welcome the prodigal in.
Lost Alive © | Jane & Stephen Phinney | Vocalist Elijah Musika & iZ Worship Singers:
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