🎤 Why I Hid My Songs for 20 Years

Description

Why I Hid My Songs for 20 Years — Show Notes

The Comment That Sparked This Episode

A listener shared that they also have a stash of hidden songs — not because of perfectionism, but because they were in a relationship that made them feel too small to share their art.

That comment brought everything back.

From Celebrated to Silenced

I was lucky. I went to an arts high school where weirdness was currency. The stranger you were, the cooler you were. I was rewarded for being different. I had fans. I had people emailing me after shows telling me how much they loved my songs.

Then I got into a relationship with someone who found my uniqueness embarrassing.

He would wait until we were alone, then tell me everything I'd done wrong. At first, some of it seemed reasonable. But over time, the criticisms piled up. I started to believe them. And I hid my songs — the same ones I'm releasing now — because I thought maybe he was just telling me truths everyone else was too polite to say.

That's not how it works. The world is full of people who would love to tear you down. If people were celebrating me, it wasn't because they were being nice. It was because the spark was real.

What I've Learned About This Dynamic

The word I've landed on — reluctantly, because it's overused — is narcissistic abuse.

From what I understand, people like this often target people who are liked by others. You become an accessory to their image. But they can't let you have too much power. So they keep you small. They destroy your self-worth so you don't leave.

I spent over 10 years trying to recover from that programming.

The Therapist Wisdom That Changed Everything

"There are some things you will never understand — and you should be grateful for that."

I used to think I needed to understand someone's behavior to forgive them and move on. But some behavior doesn't make sense. And if it doesn't make sense to you, that means you're not like them.

That realization set me free.

Your Spark Is Still Alive

If you're still listening to this — if you watch my videos, if you're doing the work — your spark is still alive.

Even if your voice still shakes. Even if you freeze when someone asks you a question. Even if you feel like you're still deep in the trenches of that silenced program.

It's not dead. It's just waiting.

Keep going. One practice at a time. One moment at a time.

The world needs your unique voice.

Timestamps

00:00 Morning Reflections and Podcasting Journey

02:56 Embracing Authenticity in Art and Voice

05:48 The Impact of Relationships on Self-Expression 09:03 The Power of Uniqueness and Acceptance

11:58 Overcoming Negative Programming and Self-Doubt

15:05 Reclaiming Creativity and Personal Voice

17:58 Understanding Toxic Relationships and Their Effects

20:46 Liberation Through Self-Acceptance 2

4:08 The Journey of Voice Liberation and Future Aspirations