Intro:
Have you ever talked directly to your fear and anxiety before? Is there something important that your fear is trying to tell you? How can we engage with our fears to unearth the real wisdom beneath the emotions, and transform it into action?
Topic to be discussed:
In this podcast episode, Michael Glavin discusses transforming fear from anxiety to action.
Summary:
The two different reactions to fear
Different people deal with fear and anxiety differently
How to transform fear and anxiety into action
Step into your agency
Show notes:
The two different reactions to fear
* Our “normal” response, which is kicked off with our activated fight-or-flight response.
This reaction to fear happens when you are in physical danger or under threat. This is when your adrenaline kicks in, your body mobilises for action … Some people even talk about the fight-or-flight freeze reaction … like a rabbit frozen but ready to spring away. It’s an anxious, adrenaline-fueled freezing.
(Michael Glavin)
* A dorsal-vagal shutdown, such as fainting. This type of reaction brings numbness, feelings of helplessness, brain fog, and disassociation. If this state describes you, then please seek professional help.
For this episode, we’ll focus on the first type of reaction to fear, the activated fight-or-flight response, which is more common.
Different people deal with fear and anxiety differently
When we talk about how each person experiences fear and anxiety and deals with these feelings uniquely, we’ll need to touch on attachment theory.
Attachment theory is the science of relationships. It talks about our earliest experiences with our caretakers, and the process of getting our needs met, and what happens when our needs don’t get met.
(Michael Glavin)
When things go well in our childhoods and with our parents, we learn that we have needs and that it is okay to have them, and that we can share and talk about them with our loved ones, without feeling shame. This is called secure attachment.
However, when our needs are not met consistently? We learn to stay in a state of distress to keep our caregiver close to us in our attempts to get our needs met. This is called anxious attachment.
But if this strategy does not work, because it can be very taxing on the system to always be in distress to get our needs met, an opposite reaction takes place, where the person pushes their distress out of their awareness. This is avoidant attachment.
We can carry these patterns with us from childhood to adulthood, and also employ them when we experience distress in general.
How to transform fear and anxiety into action
I know that this fear has made your life more difficult and has caused you to suffer. I know that, and I’m sorry for that - but I also know that this fear is trying to help you. It has good intentions.
(Michael Glavin)
Even though the fear is often misguided, even though it can make you struggle and feel afraid, and even if you sometimes wish it weren’t there, try to have some compassion for it. Right now, it exists because it is trying to help you.
Make a little bit of room for that compassion towards this fear. If you are having a hard time doing that, that’s okay … I want you to try to talk to this fear, this anxiety sitting in front of you, and I want you to listen to it. The fear will speak to you if you are receptive.
(Michael Glavin)
1: Try saying the following things out loud in conversation with your fear and anxiety, and listen to what it says:
* “How are you trying to help me?”
* “What are you afraid of?”
* “What would happen if you weren’t here?”
* “What are you protecting me from?”
2: In your own words, thank the fear for trying to help you. This will help you change the anxiety and fear to more calmness, because it wants to be validated by you. Try saying:
* “I can see why you’re feeling this way. It makes sense to me.”
* “I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way.”
* “Thank you for telling me this.”
3: Now, try asking your fear and anxiety:
* “What do you need from me?”
Assess the answers you feel and fear from the fear, from this part of yourself, and see how you can begin to take the next step. Notice what you are already doing to ease these feelings while you think about what else you can do.
You can give these anxious feelings reasons for why you won’t be doing what it wants you to do, if you know that something is not a viable decision to make.
Step into your agency
Now that you have started the discussion with these emotions that you feel, you can remember that you are the one at the helm. You can tell these feelings compassionately to step back, and let you do the job at hand.
You can explain to it that it is getting in the way of you keeping yourself safe.
Tell [the fear] that you need to be able to think clearly so that you can make good decisions, so you need it to stand down. Tell your fear that you need to be able to rest and to sleep deeply so that you can have the energy and focus needed to successfully deal with life’s problems. Reassure it that it has done its job, and has alerted you to the danger … now please back off and let me do my job.
(Michael Glavin)
Action item for you: Do this activity at least one more time! And talk with a buddy about how it went.
Useful links:
Henny-Penny: The sky is falling!
“Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function”
“Stress weakens prefrontal networks: molecular insults to higher cognition”
“Acute stress attenuates cognitive flexibility in males (BCST).”
“Lending a hand: social regulation of the neural response to threat”
