Intro:
What if the whole way you think about resilience is wrong? Could the way you are approaching resilience be holding you back from truly embodying and experiencing its benefits? What can we learn about resilience from old stories, like the Brothers Grimm?
Topic to be discussed:
In this podcast episode, Michael Glavin discusses 3 common misconceptions about resilience and what you can do to kickstart building your resilience today.
Summary:
Myth #1: “Resilient people are bulletproof”
Myth #2: ““Resilience stems from given personality traits”
Myth #3: ““Resilience is purely an individual matter”
What you can do right now to access your Resilience Superpower
Show notes:
“Resilient people are bulletproof”
The first common misconception that we’ll tackle is the idea that resilient people are bulletproof in their strength. Some people think that to be resilient, you never experience or are affected by trauma, by stress, or by difficult situations.
Here’s the problem: when we think of resilience this way, as people being “bulletproof,” but we’re struggling, then we conclude that we must not be resilient … These thoughts create feelings of shame, so we start to withdraw from the world, we isolate, we shut down … And it ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
(Michael Glavin)
Resilience is not about being immune to stress and distress. Resilience is needed because we are experiencing feelings of distress.
The point here is that resilience is not about shutting off our feelings or avoiding situations that make us uncomfortable. In fact, the ability to tolerate painful feelings and to work through them is crucial to psychological growth.
(Michael Glavin)
Researchers in a 2018 study demonstrated that resilience is not merely the absence of psychological symptoms, but rather the ability to maintain or regain psychological functioning despite experiencing symptoms and distress.
“Resilience stems from given personality traits”
The second common misconception is that resilience is a trait or characteristic that you are born with, in which case some people possess it, while others don’t.
This is not true.
Resilience is not some rare trait that only a few individuals possess. Instead, researcher Ann Masten found that resilience is what you’d call “Ordinary magic.” I love that … Resilience emerges through ordinary adaptive processes like problem-solving, emotional regulation, and social support.
(Michael Glavin)
Depending on the circumstances and how someone approaches a problem, anybody can be resilient. It is not reserved for a select few. Resilience is less a question of who you are but more to do with “where” you are, in terms of what resources and social support are available to you, and what you do with these resources.
What this means is if you don’t currently consider yourself resilient in the face of the political and ecological horror that we’re now confronting, it’s okay. You can learn how to be resilient, and you don’t need to be some sort of extraordinary person. Ordinary people can learn how to be resilient, even in very challenging circumstances.
(Michael Glavin)
“Resilience is purely an individual matter”
The third misconception is that attaining resilience is a personal matter, individualistic to you. While this personal aspect of resilience is important, there is another aspect to resilience that we don’t always think of: interpersonal resilience.
This pertains to your mentors, your social support, friends, and family. Our relationships are a crucial part of our resilience.
Just being in the presence of people who care for us calms our nervous system. (Michael Glavin)
What you can do right now to access this superpower
Build up your collective community. Collective action, support, and resource and knowledge sharing are what compound over time, helping you to be resilient.
Remember, resilience is interpersonal, not just personal. So, how do you start these connections?
* Get a podcast buddy to share episodes with, discuss them together, and start new conversations and actions
* Do a quick check-in with one person once a week to see how they are coping with what’s happening in the world
With your “apocalypse buddy”, you can ask each other these three questions:
1 - How are you holding up?
2 - What are you doing that helps?
3 - What is some good news that you have heard?
The point here is not to talk about the bad news; the point here is to talk about how each of you is feeling, given all the bad news, and what each of you is doing to help yourselves feel better, and to share one piece of good news.
(Michael Glavin)
Useful links:
Podcast website: resilienceindarktimes.com
Practice website: dcctherapy.com
The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges by Southwick, Charney, & Depierro
The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales by J. Grimm & W. Grimm, illustrated by A. Rackham
Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology by Daniel J Siegel MD
The Transforming Power of Affect, by Diana Fosha PhD
Chen, Shuquan & Bonanno. (2020). Psychological Adjustment During the Global Outbreak of COVID-19
Galatzer-Levy, Sandy & Bonanno. (2018). Trajectories of resilience and dysfunction following potential trauma
Tugade & Fredrickson (2004). Resilient individuals use positive emotions to bounce back from negative emotional experiences.
Bonanno, George. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience
Masten, Ann S. (2001). Ordinary Magic: Resilience Processes in Development
Ungar, Michael (2011). The Social Ecology of Resilience
Ungar, et al (2021). Multisystemic Resilience
Luthar, Suniya & Brown. (2007). Maximizing resilience through diverse levels of inquiry
Han, et al (2023). The relationship between social support, psychological resilience, and positive coping among medical staff...
