welcome back to said out loud, the podcast where we say the things out loud, even when they’re weird, slightly unhinged, or kind of uncomfortable. this episode is definitely all three.
hi hello how are you!
today, i want to talk about beer, but not in the way you’re expecting. this isn’t about bar hopping or brew recommendations. this is about moms. burnout. identity. and how somehow… a beer memory from childhood made me rethink how i’ve been living.
it’s weird, but it’ll make sense. trust me.
okay, so…when i was little, my grandpa used to give me the last sip of his beer.
i thought i was the coolest. i felt like i had arrived. like i was grown-up. important. in on something.
never mind that it was warm. and flat. and like… mostly spit. i was drinking adult juice, and it felt like a privilege.
and here’s the thing, i hadn’t thought about that in years. but the other day, i was listening to someone talk about burnout and they said that line we’ve all heard:
“you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
and my brain just… short-circuited for a second and went: “oh my god. i’ve been giving myself the backwash.”
like… not even a full glass. not even the good stuff. just the sad, bubbly dribble at the bottom, the flat, warm leftovers of everything i already gave away.
and i’ve been calling that self-care?
let’s be honest. how many of us are doing this?
we give the good stuff to our families. the energy. the meals. the patience. the ideas. the brain space. the creativity. the damn clothes off our backs sometimes.
we pour and pour and pour. and by the time we look around, there’s nothing left for us.
and then we try to make up for it by throwing together some chaotic version of self-care at 9 p.m. while we scroll instagram and cry into our laundry pile.
we try to meditate or read or work out when we’re running on fumes and expect that to fix us. but we’re trying to heal burnout with backwash. with the scraps. and it doesn’t work.
it’s like trying to run a marathon with half a granola bar and one sip of water. it’s like handing your best friend the chewed-up crusts of a sandwich and saying, “hope that helps.”
we wouldn’t do it to anyone else. but we do it to ourselves. every. single. day.
and the worst part? we’ve made it seem noble.
we wear burnout like a badge of honor. like martyrdom makes us better moms or wives or people. like giving ourselves nothing is just part of the job.
but it’s not noble. it’s not sustainable. and it’s not what we’d want for our daughters, or our friends, or honestly, even a stranger on the street.
so why is it okay for us?
maybe the real reason we feel like we’re failing isn’t because we’re bad at motherhood or not organized enough or not disciplined enough.
maybe it’s just because we never start with a full cup.
we’re trying to do all the things on zero percent battery. and wondering why it doesn’t feel good. we’re trying to parent, perform, grow, show up, heal, and maybe even enjoy life, while living off of crumbs.
now, let me be real. i’m not perfect at this. i’m still learning. but i’ve started doing one small thing differently:
i pour for me first.
not in some dramatic way. not in a “5 a.m. sunrise journal workout” kind of way. just… little moments of intention. moments that say: “hey. i matter too.”
here’s what that looks like right now:
* i drink my detox tea and fizz before i make breakfast for everyone else. that’s my moment.
* i go for a solo walk at least once a day - bc i need time away, to breath, to decompress, to hear myself
* i carve out time to record this podcast, even though no one’s clapping, no one’s asking, and no one but me really knows what it means to finally be doing it.
that’s what pouring for me first looks like. it’s not a spa day. it’s not a weeklong retreat. it’s a reclaiming.
it’s me taking the first sip, before i give everything else away.
so let me say it again, just in case you need to hear it:
you deserve more than the backwash. you deserve the first sip. the part that actually tastes good. the moment where you are not just an afterthought in your own life.
and if you don’t give that to yourself? no one else is going to.
so this week, just once, i want you to notice where you’re pouring everything out. and ask yourself:
“what would it look like to keep the first sip for me?”
alright, that’s it for this one. i’m going to go make myself a greens + fizz and sit with it like it’s a $14 mocktail in a fancy rooftop bar. because that’s the energy i’m claiming today.
love you, mean it. catch you next time.
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