welcome back to said out loud. the podcast where we say the things out loud, even when they’re weird, slightly unhinged, or kind of uncomfortable.
hi hello how are you, so glad you’re here with me today!
so to preframe where we’re going today, i am not bashing my family. i’m really not. i love my kids. i love my husband. i’m thankful for them. and im very lucky in a lot of ways. my husband shows up, he helps around the house, he takes care of the kids when i need a break. he didn’t even blink when i told him i was going to vegas in june. that matters. that means something.
but mother’s day?? yea i have a beef with her. it’s f*****g weird. and honestly… i wish it didn’t exist.
you know what i think the real problem is? mother’s day isn’t just for mothers. it becomes about celebrating all the moms. your mom. his mom. the grandma. the great-grandma. the aunties. and somehow the mom who is in the trenches, the one actively raising the kids, becomes the one responsible for organizing it all.
a mom of young kids shouldn’t have to get up, get everyone dressed, pack the diaper bag, and head to brunch to celebrate her mother-in-law. that’s not her job. that’s her husband’s job. and yes, if you want to send your own mom a card or give her a call, great, love that for you. but if your mom hasn’t really been there for you, or she’s more of a source of stress than support—why is there pressure to perform on this one day?
and it’s not just brunch. it’s everything. i’m still the one packing the snacks, cutting the chicken nuggets the right way, answering the million questions. i’m still changing the diapers. not because i want to, but because if i don’t, there’s a meltdown. i’m the safe person. i’m the one who knows how long to cook the macaroni and where the lovey is hiding and how to manage the meltdown before it spirals. when you’re the default parent, there is zero downtime.
so when people say “just relax!” on mother’s day, i want to scream. i can’t relax. my nervous system is trained to be alert, even when i’m off duty. because we’re never really off duty.
i’ve lowered my expectations. i’ve done it on purpose. i do it so i don’t get hurt. so i’m not disappointed. but then… i feel resentful that i had to lower them at all.
i got cards. we did donuts. we went to the creek and had a nice day. ho early it was mellow and lovely. but there’s still that feeling, like, i want to feel celebrated. i want a real break. i want to feel seen. and not just in the “here’s a candle and a card” kind of way, but in the deep-down “i know how much you carry and i want to hold some of it for you” kind of way.
and then comes the guilt. because i do have a lot. my husband shows up in ways other husbands don’t. i can always depend on him. he helps around the house, he’s an amazing dad, but lord help him buy a thoughtful gift or make a plan amen
and when i see those social media posts. the ones with spa days and breakfast in bed and weekend getaways. i wonder if it’s all real. i also wonder if that husband is showing up all the rest of the time or was it just for today?? bc sorry, that doesn’t cut it either.
still, the comparison creeps in. it makes you question what you have, even when you’re thankful for it.
that’s why i usually hide out the day of and the day after . i don’t want to scroll through all the “blessed mama” posts and pretend that i’m not feeling anything. i don’t want to have to fake the joy or write a post about how much i love being a mom when, truthfully, i struggle.
i’ve wanted to be a mom since forever. i was the girl with all the baby dolls. i started babysitting as young as i could. i prayed and prayed to get pregnant. and now here i am… and it’s not what i thought it would be.
i struggle. i really do. i have two kids who both need completely different things from me, i’ve had to un learn and relearn everything i thought parenting was, i have no village. no m example. no grandparents stopping by to say “hey i thought i’d grab the kids so you could relax or get things done today”
do i love my kids? yes. more than anything.
do i love being a mom? some days. but most days… not really.
do i feel guilty for saying that out loud? yep. but i’m gunna say it anyway.
because this podcast is about naming the truth. and today, the truth is: i wish mother’s day didn’t exist. i think it creates more stress than joy. more resentment than celebration. and honestly? one less holiday for our partners to forget about sounds like a win to me.
you’re allowed to feel both grateful and disappointed.
you’re allowed to want to be celebrated without guilt.
you’re allowed to love your family and still need more.
you’re not alone in this.
so yeah… that’s where i’m at with mother’s day.
it’s complicated. it’s heavy. and some years are harder than others.
this year, i kept things simple and stayed mostly quiet. that’s what i needed.
but if you’re someone who felt a little off yesterday, or didn’t feel seen, or celebrated, or like you had to fake it just to get through the day, i just want you to know…
theres nothing wrong with you. you’re not ungrateful.
you’re human. and you’re allowed to feel all of it.
motherhood is layered. it’s love and grief. joy and resentment. gratitude and exhaustion.
sometimes all at once. and sometimes it’s just… too much.
so i’m curious, how do you feel about mother’s day?
do you love it? hate it? feel weird about it like i do?
feel free to comment, dm me, or just take this as your permission slip to not perform for the algorithm next year.
you don’t have to post a thing. you don’t have to pretend.
you’re allowed to just be.
sending you a big hug today
especially if you needed to hear all of this out loud
love ya mean it, catch ya next time
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