On the 249th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, Mark Whitney—America’s Coach—delivers a riveting, unscripted, performative reading of the Declaration of Independence. But this isn’t your 8th-grade social studies class. From King George to King Donald, from Bowling Green to Guantanamo Bay, Whitney connects the revolutionary text to the revolutionary present. This 45-minute monologue dissects 18 the grievances filed against the King George and maps them onto today’s executive abuses, Congress’s abdication, and your vanishing rights. With humor, fury, and constitutional clarity, Whitney reminds us that the highest office in the land is still Citizen.