Today, I am organizing my thoughts and preparing to go to talk to someone in the next few days as I am in the process of deciding what I am going to do about purchasing the van.
The actual act of doing this is easy, working through each action step, it gives me tasks to do to take my mind off thoughts and concerns.
Some days it might not seem as though I am excited to do this. I am.
The challenge is walking through my healing journey at the same time, because it is part of this. Going through my emotions at the same time as I do this is natural, emotions will come up.
That is what is going on today.
Sometimes I get too much time to think, and I have explained before in past blog posts that our thoughts cause our emotions, and our emotions cause reactions in our bodies that eventually lead to illness or dis-ease. That is why I suggest the tools I use to release the emotions that aren’t serving me. I’m not saying they will work for everyone, they are just suggestions and have absolutely worked for me.
My growth process at this point is no different than it has always been. Now I have the added dimension of doing something I have wanted to do my whole life but have been afraid to do it.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Fear is there for a reason, but it doesn’t need to run our lives. I’m ok with this fear I am having. I am actually “talking” to it to find out what it is there to teach me. There are a few fears going on and each one is helping me to understand why it is there for me.
In our society, our fears are there because we have been so conditioned into stress, that the Stress Response is on stuck mode – getting stuck in Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn.
Our stress response is there for us to use in momentary situations, it shouldn’t be constantly going on. I’ve explained before about hyper-vigilance, anxiety and worry. That is the stuck response. It actually becomes a “normal” way of life, if we aren’t aware of what is going on and can lead to depression. Most who have been traumatized are not aware once the habit has been set.
I will probably be explaining that at another point, but for now, here is where I am.
I am here to tell you that it can be unset, but it takes work. And there are residual fears that hold on, even after healing through the old stuff. That is what is happening with me now with my plans.
It is actually all good, because I am definitely beyond the hyper-vigilance and anxiety mostly and the worry has pretty much subsided.
What is coming up for me is mostly the fear of the unknown, which I have been challenged with most of my life. So, as I sit with this fear and find out what it is here to teach me, I know deep down that I am taken care of. I know that everything always works out for me, because it does, no matter how small or large it is. And I am grateful.
I want to say that just by connecting with you and talking about this out loud has been really helping me to get out of my head and into my heart. That is the goal of healing. We all have the potential to do that. It just takes a decision… a choice.
And we all have choices. Which one are you going to choose today?
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