Let’s start with a truth I wish someone had said to me earlier in my career:
Trying in public is not embarrassing. It’s brave.And for many of us—especially women, especially Latinas, especially the daughters of immigrants—being seen tryingis the most radical thing we can do.
Because we weren’t taught to try in public.We were taught to perform in public.To arrive, not experiment.To be polished, not in process.To succeed quietly and fail privately—if at all.
So when I first heard the phrase “not afraid to be seen trying,” I felt it like a thud in my chest.Because for so many years, I was.
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Why This Phrase Matters
We are in a generational shift. And this phrase is a flag in the ground.
It speaks to a new kind of power—the kind that doesn’t hide the climb.It says: I don’t have to be fully formed to show up.I don’t need a guarantee to begin.I’m not waiting to be picked—I’m already here.
It’s a phrase that whispers liberation in the face of perfectionism.It’s also a phrase that pokes at every fear I inherited about being enough.
Trying vs. Performing (Especially for Women and Minorities)
Let’s name the truth:Not everyone carries the same weight when they’re seen in progress.
🔹 Women are judged more harshly for “figuring it out.”We’re expected to show up prepared, polished, and palatable—often from the first try. The “grace to grow” that’s extended to others? It’s not always handed to us.
🔹 People with accents, darker skin, or “non-traditional” paths feel the pressure to prove.There’s a constant hum of don’t give them a reason to question you. That hum becomes a roar in public spaces—online, in meetings, on stage.
🔹 Perfectionism is a survival strategy for many of us.Especially if you’re the first in the room, the only in the room, or the hope of your family. You weren’t just told to succeed. You were told to succeed without flaw, because your failure might reinforce someone else’s bias.
So to be seen trying?To admit “I don’t know yet”?To build something where the outcome is not guaranteed?
That’s terrifying. And it’s exactly what needs to be done.
A Generational Divide: The Bridge We Walk Alone
Let’s talk about the bridge generation—those of us born in the late 70s and 80s.We straddle two worlds:
🕰 One foot in Gen X: raised to be independent, skeptical, and deeply private about ambition.
📲 One foot in a Millennial/Gen Z world: where vulnerability is currency, building in public is the norm, and "done is better than perfect."
We were taught that if you try and fail, do it quietly. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t embarrass your family.
So when we see others—especially younger people—posting messy drafts, launching before they’re ready, narrating their growth in real time… what’s our reaction?
Let’s be honest:Sometimes we admire it.Sometimes we roll our eyes.Sometimes we envy their freedom—and resent their lack of fear.Sometimes we judge them.Sometimes we judge ourselves.
But what if we paused and asked:What’s being triggered in me right now?Is it envy? Is it protection? Is it a version of me that never got to try out loud?
Because maybe what looks like “oversharing” to one generation is actually healing to the next.
The Neuroscience of Trying (and Why It Feels So Hard)
When you try something new—especially in front of others—your brain flags it as a threat.
You’re activating your amygdala, the brain’s fear center, which is scanning for danger:“Will I be rejected?”“Will I be laughed at?”“Will I lose status, safety, or belonging?”
It’s not just imagined.The fear of public failure lights up the same neural pathways as physical pain.
Now add on generational trauma or inherited hypervigilance—especially for those whose ancestors fled war, poverty, political instability, or marginalization—and you’re not just scared of failing.
You’re wired to believe that being seen trying and failing could be dangerous.
It’s not weakness. It’s your nervous system doing its job.But what empowered adulthood requires is learning to tell your body: Thank you for trying to protect me. But I’m safe now. I’m allowed to try out loud.
What’s Actually Happening in the Brain
Trying publicly triggers real fear—and there’s science behind it.
🧠 When you do something new, especially in front of others, your amygdala lights up. That’s the fear center of the brain. It’s wired to protect you from rejection, exclusion, humiliation. (It’s part of our evolutionary survival.)
🧠 Add to that social evaluative threat—the feeling of being judged—and your cortisol spikes. Your prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for planning and confidence) literally shuts down.
🧠 Now layer in intergenerational trauma—especially for immigrants, exiles, or people of color. Studies in epigenetics show that stress responses (like hypervigilance, over-functioning, fear of failure) can be inherited. Passed down through behavior and biology.
You may be carrying survival instincts that weren’t built for your world—but still shape how you move through it.
So if being seen trying feels uncomfortable, even unsafe—it makes sense.
But here’s the good news:
🧠 You can rewire that response.
Growth Mindset: The Science of Becoming
Psychologist Carol Dweck coined the term “growth mindset” to describe the belief that abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence.
People with a fixed mindset avoid challenges because they fear failure.People with a growth mindset seek challenges because they know trying is how you grow.
Being seen trying is the ultimate growth mindset in action.
It says:“I believe I can become.”“I believe effort matters.”“I don’t need to arrive. I need to evolve.”
And when others see you doing that? Something powerful happens.
Social Learning: Your Courage Sparks More
According to social learning theory, people learn through observation and imitation.
In other words:When you try out loud, others see what’s possible.
Your public effort becomes someone else’s permission slip.Your courage teaches someone else how to begin.Your process becomes a prototype.
This is especially powerful in communities where risk has been historically unsafe or culturally discouraged.
When you, as a Latina, a woman, a leader—try visibly—you aren’t just creating for yourself.You’re creating space.
The Franklin Effect: Vulnerability Builds Trust
Here’s a fun psychological principle: the Franklin Effect.
It’s the idea that when someone helps you—or sees your humanity—they’re actually more likely to respect and support you. Not less.
Trying publicly creates intimacy.It says, “I trust you enough to let you see me in progress.”And that trust builds connection.
Perfection might impress people.But vulnerability bonds them.
If This Feels Hard, That’s Because It Is
You’re unlearning decades of programming.You’re confronting biological stress responses.You’re healing generational messages like:
* “Don’t make mistakes.”
* “Don’t air your business.”
* “Don’t draw attention unless it’s for success.”
* “Don’t fail publicly—what will they say?”
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Trying is not the opposite of success.It’s the path to it.
Inherited Hypervigilance Is Real
If your parents or grandparents lived in survival mode—navigating systems where one mistake could cost everything—you may have inherited a hypervigilant lens on life.
This is called intergenerational transmission of trauma, and it’s well-documented in psychology and epigenetics. Researchers have found that stress responses and trauma markers can be passed down genetically and behaviorally through family lines.
Translation?Your fear of “getting it wrong” in public might not even be yours.It might be your grandmother’s. Or your father’s.It might be a script you absorbed without knowing you had a choice.
But now—you do.
From Self-Protection to Self-Expression
When we shift from fearing exposure to embracing evolution, everything changes.
Trying publicly is no longer a sign of inadequacy. It’s a sign of vision.It says: I believe in something enough to be seen while it’s still forming.
And the people watching? They don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be real. Especially if you are the first. Especially if you are the example.
You’re not just creating opportunities for yourself.You’re rewriting the rules for the next generation.You’re giving them a different inheritance.
So What Do We Do With All This?
We start by noticing.
Next time you see someone trying—publicly, imperfectly, maybe even clumsily—pause before you judge.
Ask yourself:
* What does this stir in me?
* Am I cheering them on or cringing on their behalf?
* What would it feel like to give myself that freedom?
* What am I afraid they’ll think of me?
* Who taught me that trying wasn’t enough?
* Who might be watching me, waiting for proof that they can try too?
And next time you hesitate to take a step because you're afraid someone might see you trying…
Remember:
* Growth happens in the doing.
* Mastery is born from iteration, not imagination.
* No one changes the world without being seen in the middle of the process.
📌 And next time you see someone being bold, messy, loud, and in-process:
* Celebrate them.
* Learn from them.
* Notice what it brings up in you—and sit with that, gently.
Because judgment—of others or ourselves—is often just a cover for envy, fear, or untapped longing.
Final Thought
Trying out loud is not a trend. It’s a healing act.It’s a leadership model.It’s a legacy rewrite.
And maybe, just maybe—it’s the bridge from who we were taught to be…to who we were always meant to become.
So to every woman, every Latina, every bridge-walker between generations and cultures:Be seen trying.Because when you do, you teach the rest of us that it’s safe to begin.
About the Author
Teri Arvesu Gonzalez is the founder of The TAG Collab, a consultancy that helps mission-driven companies align purpose, brand, and strategy from the inside out.
With a Master’s in Management and Leadership and more than 25 years of experience leading newsrooms, launching initiatives, and driving transformation across Miami, Chicago, and national corporate teams, she brings deep expertise in storytelling, culture-building, and operational alignment.
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