Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 18: “Silence of the Lamborghini.” After last episode, the show can’t really go anywhere but up, so as long as this isn’t a full horror movie parody, we should be good.
Ashley’s dad pulled some strings (aka bought a textile company) and got all four of our main girls tickets to Milan’s biggest fashion event of the year! There will be several celebrities there, but they’re especially excited to see male model Apollo.
In class, Max (not unkindly) corrects Ms. Mitchell in an art history lesson on Michelangelo, showing that he’s done his research and those sketches he’s been doing aren’t just natural talent but something he’s taking pretty seriously. Though when Captain Ballard then comes in and shares that he’s found graffiti mocking Leonardo da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” onboard, it’s hard to suspect anyone else.
The first excursion we see is the boys heading to the “Ferrati” factory - could they not actually say “Ferrari”? Sean breaks away from the tour and jumps into a car, expecting to be able to test drive it, but is immediately waylaid by a staff member. Jimmy tries something similar and gets the same result.
Denise makes it sound like she won’t be attending the fashion show after all; she’s going to the Duomo instead. The other three are still excited, until they realize the tickets have gone missing! They may have accidentally been thrown away on a cafeteria tray - whoops.
Sean and Jimmy are moping until they see someone else test driving the car; as soon as he gets out and leaves it alone with the keys still in the engine, they hop in and zoom right off.
Captain Ballard catches Max spray-painting the Mona Lisa on the ship and is none too pleased. He tells his son, “Ever since you got on this ship you’ve been looking for a way to get off it, and now you’ve got it. Pack up your things, you’re going home.” Max doesn’t respond, but given the look on his face, does he now actually want to stay?!
In the cafeteria, Ashley, Cassidy and Tamira are dumpster diving to try and find the tickets. Tamira finds her favorite retainer (ew) and, yes, also the tickets - seems she’s had experience doing this.
Jimmy is having a bit of a morality crisis and wants them to bring the car back to the factory, until Sean spots a gorgeous Italian woman up ahead who’s clearly having car trouble. Guess they’ll be staying on the road a little longer.
Max has gone to Ms. Mitchell to explain his situation. She advises that if he apologizes and whitewashes his graffiti, his dad might change his mind, but Max doesn’t understand why he should have to do that, considering Michelangelo also painted walls. Ms. Mitchell has a point when she says he didn’t sneak in to do that; he was commissioned. Max takes that personally, thinking no one wants to see his paintings, and heads off in a huff.
Sean goes up to flirt with the Italian woman, whose name we learn is Paprika, not realizing she has a buff, handsome companion with her. While Sean and Apollo (!) stay back with her car, Paprika (who is also a supermodel) jumps into the Ferrati with Jimmy, and they drive back to Milan so she’s not late for her show.
The girls (including Denise; alright then) have front row seats! And as much as Denise was making fun of the modeling industry earlier (honestly, good on her for recognizing the “emaciated chic” looks they were promoting at the time), once she sees a male model on the runway, she turns just as shallow as everyone else.
Apollo and Sean try to hitchhike, but the truck they jump into winds up being full of manure.
Captain Ballard says to Ms. Mitchell that he’s starting to think the only kind of place that could handle Max is a military school. She tells him a couple weeks ago she might have agreed, but beseeches him to see the merits in Max’s art. “As a captain, I know you have to put a stop to [using the ship as a canvas], but as a father, I really think you should encourage Max’s talent.”
At the fashion show, Jimmy is in Paprika’s dressing room, and she kisses him on the cheek as she thanks him for getting her there on time. The Italian police show up and try to arrest Jimmy for car theft, but Paprika says if they arrest him, they need to arrest her too, and it’s show time.
Denise has jumped up on the runway to grind up on the male models?! Ashley is mortified. It’s Paprika’s turn to walk, and she’s still handcuffed to Jimmy, so he walks the runway with her.
Afterward, Ashley and Cassidy are upset that Apollo didn’t show, but when he tries to introduce himself to them, they don’t believe it’s actually him because he’s all covered in dirt and manure. Joke’s on them; as soon as they walk away, a bunch of paparazzi converge on him.
Jimmy doesn’t get away from the police that easily, and nor does Sean, who Jimmy points out hiding behind a clothing rack in the dressing room.
Ms. Mitchell unveils Max’s painting interpretation of Michelangelo’s “David” in the coffeehouse, and everyone loves it (even the captain, since this one is sanctioned). Captain Ballard actually tells Max he’s got real talent and uses an art term correctly, and I don’t think we’ve seen a grin this big on Max’s face in a long time.
Denise excuses her fashion show behavior by saying she ate a bad pesto in Rome, which triggered a mild delirium, except then her medical journal’s cover falls away to reveal a fashion magazine featuring an ad with a shirtless man. Hey, sometimes it’s okay to be shallow, even if you have an image to maintain. We contain multitudes!
And don’t worry, Sean and Jimmy are fine. They’re actually bragging about their exploits - apparently Paprika bought the Ferrati, which got them out of jail. They think Captain Ballard never found out, until he comes up behind them, grabs their collars, and tells them to come to his office. Good - I would hope literal grand theft auto would have more severe consequences than graffiti! We’ll see if we ever find out what they are, though.
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
