Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 22: “Yoo Hoo, Mr,” and with that, we are halfway through the show’s run.
We are still in London, and Sean and Jimmy are escorted back onto the ship by the police - they seem to be making a habit of getting mixed up with local law enforcement and celebrities. This time the famous person involved wasn’t as nice as supermodel Paprika in Italy - Sporty Spice didn’t exactly like them following her around the gym singing “Let’s Get Physical” at her. Jimmy comments that these cops are the nicest they’ve dealt with, and Captain Ballard has a point when he comes back with, “You two came on this ship to learn, not meet police.” As this was their fifth international incident, I think he’s justified in telling them that until they can prove to him they’re ready to behave, they’re confined to the ship. And then of course it turns into a literal bet with the other teens to see whether the boys will be able to tour any more of London.
Ms. Mitchell isn’t the only teacher on board apparently - another one announces to the class that Denise has been selected to compete in the Academic Scholar Bowl in Oxford, the winner of which receives a scholarship for summer studies there. There’s a reception with Oxford faculty, and Denise has a heck of a time picking out what to wear. She wants to look intelligent but hip, “like Oprah meets Queen Latifah,” and when she finds the perfect dress Tamira likens it to Sabrina the Teenage Witch getting ready to see the Witches’ Council and finds a way to invite herself as Denise’s plus one. But as Denise feared, when Tamira is actually there she’s a little out of her depth.
Another student pranked Alex by putting salsa in his jockstrap, so Alex is going to get back at him with a water balloon fight and invites Sean and Jimmy along. Is this truly all in good fun or a way to make sure he makes his $10 from the bet? Seems to be the latter, given Sean and Jimmy’s responses and the look on Alex’s face when he realizes they’re onto him. Then, while they’re leaving class, someone else has taken over Sean’s “Books on Scenefinder” scam (just pay a few bucks and have an easier time with your book resport) while, as the other student puts it, Sean’s had to take an early retirement. But they’re able to refuse him, too. In fact, they barricade themselves in their cabin to try and avoid getting into any trouble, which only leads Cassidy to yell through the door that the girls are having a pillow fight that night at midnight in her room. When the boys try to drown her out Ashley adds they’ll be wearing their babydoll pajamas, and not only that but she snagged Nigel’s key to the kitchen, and ooh Jimmy is tempted but stays strong. They finally emerge into the cafeteria and almost instigate a food fight, but wind up stopping it instead (of course right as they notice Captain Ballard is watching).
At the reception, a certain blazered teen walks in and it’s enough to make Denise drop her mocktail. It’s Alvin Fink, her academic rival, and of course he immediately has to needle her about coming in second place to him at the Bronx Science Fair and how he looks forward to trouncing her once again. They go back and forth, rattling off their accomplishments, and he has to one-up her every time, it’s really annoying.
Sean and Jimmy plead their case to Captain Ballard once they’ve been good for 24 hours straight, and he concedes slightly: They can go into London the next day, but with certain constraints. They’re not on a tour of the Wax Museum featuring Pamela Anderson, but of Buckingham Palace with a bunch of nuns. The boys do try to make a beefeater (the soldiers in red uniforms and fluffy hats) move from his post, but every U.K. tourist does that, right? It actually works, though, when Jimmy tempts him with a six-pack of chocolate yoohoo drinks. The guard drinks all but one, then runs to the bathroom, which of course means Jimmy somehow finds a uniform and takes his place. As Sean says, “This has international incident written all over it.”
Back in her cabin, Denise is freaking out over potentially losing to Fink again, so Tamira gives her a pep talk and attempts to do a marathon study session with her, but that devolves into Tamira waxing poetic about learning American history from Little House on the Prairie. Denise is fed up, saying “You can’t learn child psychology from Full House and the Flintstones have nothing to do with cultural anthropology,” (though actually I’d like to take that course!) and she calls Tamira stupid, which obviously causes Tamira to leave.
The competition has arrived, and of course Alvin and Denise are the last two contestants. All of Denise’s friends have shown up to support her, even Tamira, which is really nice to see, but doesn’t seem to have helped her nerves. The contest is tight, so much so that they’re tied going into the last question, which happens to start with “This author chronicled her diaries into the Little House book series,” and we can see Tamira’s eyes go wide. Denise mutters an exact repetition of Tamira’s earlier ramble and gets the answer right, to Tamira’s absolute joy.
Jimmy tries to join the changing of the guard, but all the police see is Sean tackling a beefeater - international incident #6 here we come. Jimmy is unmasked, and of course it’s the same constables that brought them in earlier that haul them off again.
Two episodes in a row we get a play on the “take the glasses off and they’re hot” trope - Denise does it to Alvin after he congratulates her on her win. It’s kind of nice to see the genders reversed, but what would be even better is not having to do it.
We end the episode as it began - Sean and Jimmy are called into Ballard’s office, and the rest of the students immediately bet they won’t get to see Denmark. Guess that’s where we’re going next!
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
