Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 30, “He Shoots, He Scores.”
We start with the boys playing a game of ball hockey on deck, and Sean is terrible enough at it to break the window in Captain Ballard’s office. Tony arrives and says he booked them an actual ice hockey game against a Prince Edward Island team; Alex declines at first, embarrassed about the last loss the Breaker High Sea Monkeys took in Morocco of all places, but Tony tells him things may be different now that they have Max, who had been the top scorer in the Portland Bantam Hockey League. Max refuses to play at first, but when given the option between that and a public reading of Anne of Green Gables, his choice is pretty obvious - but only if he gets to be captain.
After the theme song, we come upon Sean telling Jimmy about a challenge he set for himself in which he wrote down a list of 101 things he wanted to do and gave himself 1,001 days to achieve them. He’s almost at the end of the time limit and has three things left: play on a sports team (hence trying out for the Sea Monkeys), see his name in lights (he may be putting string lights up and spelling out his name that way instead of having it on a Vegas marquee, but it still counts - until they’re burnt out), and kiss a girl. For the last one, he’s gathering up his courage to ask Tamira out, and if and when she says yes they’ll go on a date and there you have it. He does make it clear that it’s not just about the list, though; it’s about getting to kiss the best girl in the world. Aww.
The opportunity to ask her out comes when Sean and Tamira are sitting in the ice rink locker room; she’s in a Breakerette cheerleading uniform helping tie his hockey skates. He gives her an Anne of Green Gables sunhat with long, red, braided pigtails attached, and says, “You know how we’re going to see the Anne of Green Gables play tonight? What if instead of going as pals, we went as more than pals?” She says she’d love to, and it’s a date!
Turns out it isn’t just guys on the Sea Monkeys; Cassidy is playing goalie! She asks Max to take a few shots on her to help her warm up, but soon regrets her decision as he is very good and definitely not listening to her request that he slow down and take it easy. As he says, though, it’s not like the opponent is going to take it easy in a game.
Sean (in a 1/2 jersey) asks Tony what position he’ll play while falling to the ice and grasping the boards for dear life, and all Tony can say is, “Towel boy - you’ve been cut.” While he’s upset, a pretty pair of figure skates appears, and the pretty girl wearing them says, “The ice is right slippy, eh?” Sean makes an, “I was doing ice angels!” joke, and the girl laughs while helping him up. Of course the next thing she says is, “You’re funny, eh,” because there’s nothing this show likes more than leaning into stereotypes. Turns out her name is Allison Montgomery, and her dad runs the arena. While she shouldn’t be talking to Sean, since he’s a “boy from away,” Allison asks him out, saying, “If you’re not doing anything later tonight, I could show you the island.” He catches Tamira’s eye, which reminds him that he needs to decline. Allison is still persistent, telling Sean that if he changes his mind, he knows where to find her.
Max is taking his captain duties perhaps a little too seriously. In a conversation with Alex, he unilaterally decides to switch goalies from Cassidy to Jimmy, even amidst Alex’s protests that Cassidy is the best goalie they have. Max doesn’t trust Cassidy’s abilities under pressure, and since Tony’s coaching oversight apparently doesn’t extend to roster decisions, Max seems to think what he says goes.
While waiting for Sean (decked out in her Anne of Green Gables hat and all), Tamira starts talking to Jimmy about Sean’s sudden interest in sports when he usually hates them. Jimmy explains about Sean’s list of goals, and of course includes that Sean needs to kiss a girl, so of course Tamira thinks his interest in her isn’t genuine. Furious, she leaves the hat on a stair railing and runs to catch up with Ashley and some other girls who are going dancing in Charlottetown (gotta put those short cheerleading skirts to good use).
The next morning, Sean slams the hat down in front of Tamira and accuses her of standing him up; in his mind, she thinks she’s better than him because she’s a Breakerette now so has new jock friends to hang out with. Does he give her a chance to explain herself? Of course not.
In the hockey game, Max scores a goal, but he’s the only one who’s happy - guessing he was being a puck hog. So much for not wanting to play, huh? Sean is back in the locker room folding towels, this time with Allison sitting nearby. She tells him to stop nervously babbling; he denies being nervous but moves every time she scoots closer, enough to fall off the bench. She picks up pretty quickly that he’s never kissed a girl and confesses she’s never been kissed either; looks like they may be each other’s first.
At the end of the second period, the PEI team scores, and Max is visibly frustrated. Sean and Allison emerge from the locker room and, in full view of Tamira, hug while Allison says, “You’re a good guy, Sean.”
In said locker room, turns out Cassidy had been in goal, and while she protests that she got beat by a good move, Max says he doesn’t care and he’s pulling her anyway. Tony jumps in, saying that’s his decision, not Max’s, but Max doesn’t find him qualified so orders Cassidy to take off the pads and calls Jimmy in, even though Jimmy doesn’t want to. In fact, both Alex and Jimmy say if Cassidy’s out, so are they. Max doesn’t seem to care, saying they didn’t do anything all game anyway, but Alex retorts, “Maybe if you’d let me touch the puck!” Max is stunned when they actually take their jerseys off, saying, “You can’t do this, I’m the captain,” but then Tony rips the velcro C off his jersey and says, “Not anymore you’re not.”
The Sea Monkeys need another player now, so time for Sean to lace up and actually play on a sports team! Though Tony keeps him on the bench as long as humanly possible, until Jimmy basically concusses himself. Somehow, Sean gets a breakaway and shoots as he’s falling down, so the puck squeaks through the goalie’s legs and Sean actually scores a goal! His name appears on the scoreboard, so there’s his name in lights.
At the very end of the game, the PEI team gets to shoot a penalty shot one-on-one against Cassidy. The Sea Monkeys may be down by 9, but until now they’ve always lost by double digits, so if Cassidy can make the save, that’s still an accomplishment - and she does! With Max watching in the stands and all - take that, “fold under pressure like a lawn chair.” In the handshake line, Jimmy tries out the “Canadian slang” he found in a dictionary, but it’s so weird even the Canadians can’t understand him.
Tamira finds Sean in the locker room and congratulates him, adding, “I guess you’ve completed your list of goals, huh?” Things seem to click in his head as he realizes she knew about the list and guesses correctly that it was Jimmy who told her. Tamira assumes Sean kissed Allison, but it seems he didn’t - he says, “She was everything I ever wanted, but she wasn’t you. I waited 1,001 days for this kiss and didn’t want to waste it; I’d wait 1,001 more if that’s what it takes for it to be with you.” He doesn’t have to wait at all - a teary-eyed Tamira lurches forward and kisses him, saying, “Maybe you can wait that long, Sean, but I can’t.” And back to making out they go.
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
