Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 34, “Six Degrees of Humiliation (Part One).” On one hand: ooh, a two-parter! On the other: my secondhand embarrassment already has its guard up. With only ten episodes to go until the series’ end, suppose it’s about time for a doozy.
We start with a “Previously on Breaker High” segment! It basically shows the timeline of Max and Cassidy’s relationship breakdown and the potential of Alex and Cassidy starting something. What it does not show is Alex breaking things off before they could begin and going back to Ashley…
Now that they’re docked in New York, Tony has plans to take all the students to a Broadway show! But he seems to be the only one excited about this particular musical: it’s an adaptation of CHiPs, a 1970s TV cop show. Tamira comes on deck with a giant backpack containing pepper spray, a crystal that can double as a weapon, and all sorts of other protective gear - again with this show leaning into its favorite stereotypes, this time the “I come from Ohio, big city New York is scary.” Sean tries to act all macho and say he’ll protect her - nice theory, maybe less reality.
Alex comes into his cabin to find Max sullenly playing his guitar. Alex passes along a message from Ms. Mitchell that the bus to the Guggenheim museum leaves in five minutes, but loner Max is back and says he’s not going. He bitterly asks Alex if his staying on the boat ruins some sort of plans Alex has with Cassidy; visibly frustrated, Alex says, “Look, I told you, it was one time, it was a mistake, and we’re both sorry.” Max doesn’t believe him and sarcastically wishes Alex good luck with Cassidy, as he’ll need it. Alex reminds Max he’s back with Ashley now and if anything happened with Cassidy, Ashley would kill him. Max doesn’t respond verbally but does push Alex against the door. Ever the wise one, Alex says, “I know you have your pride, man, but if you keep acting like this that’s all you’re going to have.” Max pushes past him and leaves the room without a word.
In a quick conversation on deck, Denise shares with Jimmy that she’s meeting up with her parents for lunch, given that they live in New York. Jimmy tries to invite himself along; Denise tries to shut that down but we’ll see if he actually picked up on it.
In the taxi on the way to the Broadway show, Sean tries to show off his nonexistent NYC knowledge to Tamira (and Ashley and Tony). Thank you, cab driver, for correcting him at every turn, and serves him right when he leans his head out the car window and immediately gets hit with pigeon poop.
Denise’s parents actually meet her at the boat. Of course, Jimmy shows Denise’s dad where the bathroom is, which means he’s invited to lunch, and Denise is horrified.
Perfectly emo Max is standing on deck looking at the water in a black leather jacket and black turtleneck when Cassidy comes up to him, his opposite in a neon shirt and flowery belt. She essentially pours her heart out to him, saying the kiss with Alex meant nothing and she misses him. She asks, “Don’t you miss me? One kiss says you do.” While they do kiss, afterward Max says, “I do miss you, Cass, I just think we’re really different.” He can’t let go of the Alex kiss, which means Cassidy is once again back to not wanting anything to do with him.
Ashley makes the cab stop at Bergdorf Goodman - at first just for an eyeliner pencil, but of course the crew comes staggering out with dozens of packages. This extended shopping trip means they’ve already missed the first half of the musical, and the packages take up so much room that Sean is accidentally left behind.
Cassidy stomps into the coffeehouse and sits down with Alex. He asks if she and Max have patched things up yet, to which she replies, “I tried, but he’s so stubborn.” Alex tries to tell her he’ll get over it, but in the next scene we see Max with a giant duffle bag presumably containing all of his belongings, and he says, “I’m out of here.”
At lunch, Denise begs Jimmy not to embarrass her, and the stakes get even higher when her parents bring a dean from Harvard (Denise’s dream school) over to their table. When Jimmy stands to greet him, he knocks into a waiter who drops his tray of glassware - not a great start. And then while Denise is sharing about the cultural opportunities they’ve had through Breaker High, Jimmy cuts in with details she probably didn’t want shared. But to her surprise, the dean recognizes that while academics are to be valued, sometimes the most educational experiences happen in the most unlikely of places with a wide variety of people.
Seems while running to catch up with the cab, Sean fell into an open manhole. We don’t see that part, just the aftermath when he’s scrunched in the middle seat holding Ashley’s packages and the cab driver is scolding him for causing a traffic jam. They’ve missed the entire musical at this point, but the lead actor supposedly signs autographs at the stage door, so Tony is at least hoping to catch that. Of course this is when Sean realizes he doesn’t have his wallet; it must have fallen out back in the sewer, so he wants to go back and get it. They tussle and the cab driver leaves the car out of frustration, which means Tamira is now driving?! They’ve somehow made it up near the theatre, and catch the lead actor trying to hide from the autograph seekers at the stage door; Tamira doesn’t believe he is who he says he is, so while Tony is thisclose to getting face time with his idol, he’s out of luck yet again.
Back on the boat, Sean is glum that he didn’t “take over Manhattan” like he’d hoped. Tamira reassures him that she only felt safe because he was there, but let’s be real, she would’ve been just fine either way.
The Guggenheim group gets back, and when Max isn’t with them, now Alex and Cassidy are actually concerned. Alex checks his cabin, and all of Max’s things are gone. The next and last scene is at Grand Central Station, where Max is buying a one-way ticket to Portland, Oregon. That’s going to be a long train trip, buddy.
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
