Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 37, “The Deck’s Files.”
Denise is trying to start her “A Touch of Classical” radio show, but Sean won’t give up the mic as he’s warning the rest of the students that the ship is approaching the Bermuda Triangle - and we get the background music to go with it (it is a nice nod to the episode’s punny title). He’s fearmongering enough that Captain Ballard has to interfere, as some of the students (and staff apparently, *cough* Tony *cough*) might be, in the captain’s words, “gullible enough to believe him.” Sean protests, leaning fully into his conspiracies, but the captain is adamant that all the shipwrecks and plane crashes were just due to bad weather and bad navigation.
Ashley is stuck on an assignment to write a poem for English class, and the stakes are high: If she fails, her dad will take away her allowance. Tamira can somewhat commiserate - while she’s written several poems, she hasn’t had the courage to read any of them aloud, which to her means she’s not a real poet. When Tamira leaves the room, in desperation Ashley grabs Tamira’s poetry binder and rips out a page - yes, Ashley, Tamira did say poetry was meant to be shared, but not like this!
Sean comes to the friend group with a “the Bermuda Triangle is where aliens do their abducting” conspiracy theory, and the rest of them just laugh at him and make fun, though he is absolutely serious. He’s even planning on standing guard that night, ostensibly to protect the ship, which even Jimmy thinks is dumb. Denise says she’ll stand guard with him, but only to bet against him - winner gets Sean’s radio time slot.
In English class, the teacher calls out “Ashley’s” poem for being particularly poignant. Of course she’s sitting next to Tamira when he hands the papers back, so Ashley folds it up immediately so Tamira can’t see it. The teacher then insists Ashley read the poem aloud at an event the next evening, and now she’s stuck. To make matters worse, Tamira couldn’t be any more thrilled for her…until the teacher says the poem’s title out loud, Tamira recognizes it and realizes what Ashley’s done.
Denise and Sean are Breaker High’s very own Scully and Mulder that night on the pool deck. Sean immediately mistakes an airplane for a UFO, and a shooting star right after that - and he also shouts “Aliens are coming!” and honks a foghorn each time, which even just as a viewer is incredibly annoying; can’t imagine being a passenger on the ship just trying to wind down for the night. A spotlight then shines in the kids’ faces…but it’s just Captain Ballard, trying to see what all the noise was. Turns out they left the Bermuda Triangle two hours ago, so all the scary stories really are just that.
Ashley has the gall to be annoyed that Tamira is giving her the silent treatment and confused as to why Tamira is so mad. Tamira tries to explain, and when Ashley asks what Tamira wants her to do, Tamira says, “Do what’s in your heart,” expecting it to be what Tamira herself would do. But it’s Ashley, so she says, “Thank goodness, I thought you were going to ask me to confess to Mr. Hunter.”
The next morning, Sean is still at it, thinking that the captain lied to them about having passed the Bermuda Triangle and is trying to conceal something sinister. He quickly hides behind a newspaper as the captain walks by and overhears the captain say to a crew member, “We should be arriving later tonight. If I pick up a signal, I want you to circle around for a couple hours, then we’ll move on. I don’t want anyone else knowing about this; Hanlon’s already got Tony convinced he can pick up distress signals through the fillings on his teeth.” Vindication?! Of all the conclusions to jump to, Sean now thinks Ballard is an alien stationed on Earth to assist with abductions.
Ashley overhears Tamira reading the poem Ashley stole aloud to herself, so that in her mind the words can still be “hers” even after Ashley speaks them. Is this what will make Ashley actually feel guilty?
That night, Sean and Denise use a mirror to spy on the captain, who does come out of his quarters wearing strange gear and whispering to himself about getting a signal. Sean is convinced he’s “making contact,” so confronts him with a fire extinguisher and runs away, tossing beach balls in his wake.
The coffeehouse is the perfect setting for the poetry reading. Jimmy is first, looking every inch a beatnik and reading a poem about not getting the last slice of banana cream pie as a child, which obviously gets a round of snaps once he’s done. Then it’s Ashley’s turn, and when she sees Tamira sneak in the back, her mind is made up. She announces the poem as, “‘The Gerbil Wheel Spins No More’ by Tamira Goldstein,” and the room is stunned. Ashley then asks Tamira to come up onstage and read the poem - better get over your stage fright, girl. Cassidy starts chanting Tamira’s name and the whole room joins, which eases Tamira’s nerves, and she actually gives Ashley a hug.
But of course, right when she’s about to begin, Sean comes crashing into the room, runs up on stage, grabs the mic and shouts that Captain Ballard is an alien. The captain runs in behind him, and has to explain himself: He’s a Seattle Mariners fan and was just trying to catch a game broadcast using the contraption he has that connects to a radio transmission tower. Too late for Tony, who may have already called in the Coast Guard…
The next morning, Tamira is reading her poem on air in the ship’s radio station, which does seem like a great compromise. After that, Sean makes his paranormal investigation retirement announcement and leaves Denise for her classical music hour. She’s picked up a station out of Florida, but somehow also gets an SOS call from the captain of a ship that reportedly passed through the Bermuda Triangle 75 years previously. Her eyes go wide, she calls for Sean, and the episode ends.
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
