Last week’s Substack introduced the ego dynamic of ego aggression, which was Part 1 of a series called “From a Culture of Aggression to a Culture of Empathy".” If you haven’t read or listened to it, it’s worth taking a look at it help understand Part 2 of my exploration of ego aggression.
Ego Aggression’s Impact on Behavior
This worldview ends up resulting in ego activity that is imbued with a kind of deep-seated anger and aggression, a steeling oneself against the world, which on an individual level can manifest as being the top dog at any cost. In extreme cases, the ego projects this onto God, the universe, and the world itself. God caused this powerlessness and must pay. The universe caused this powerlessness and must be held accountable. The world itself through its meanness caused this powerlessness and so I will take what is owed to me.
The core belief of this ego dynamic is that the world is unjust and I need to be strong to survive, and strength specifically means wielding power in the world. As a result, the ego also views others as pawns to get the power they want, which inevitably ends up making it difficult to be in relationship with others. This kind of objectification tends to dismiss another person’s value or uniqueness, particularly their feelings because they are seen as weak and an obstacle to feeling secure and protected.
The ego that has this predominant power dynamic also tends toward aggression, blame, and an overall lack of sensitivity. When we bully others or put others down, the unconscious inner experience can be traced back to the feeling of inner powerlessness. When we fail to consider others around us for the sake of accomplishing a goal, the unconscious inner experience is dominated by a belief that our survival depends on it and if we do not make it happen or make others do it, something bad will happen. There is no grace, no goodness, it is all up to us to make it happen. A hardness appears in these patterns because there is no room for softness, as the ego believes that it is the one to set the record straight, to make things right, and because of this view, the ego also dismisses vulnerability as a weakness and therefore ends up shutting down emotions and feelings in itself and in others.
At the individual level, this ego dynamic shows up in varying degrees. For those where this sense of ego aggression or “vengeance” is dominant, this may only appear in your expression as a kind of bluntness or boisterousness, perhaps only lacking a refined sensitivity or tending toward reactive anger. In extreme cases, the ego’s attempt at power becomes inappropriate and without limits, as we see in Vladamir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. The ego on this end of the spectrum refuses to compromise, enjoying the capitulation of others because it supports a sense of its own power. It therefore uses aggression to intimidate and overwhelm others with intensity and loudness.
Ego Aggression’s Impact on the Way We Work
We can see how this worldview has been dominant in the workplace, especially in organizations that do not focus on a culture of emotional intelligence and empathy. Collectively, the ego dynamic of distorted aggression creates a reality in which a dog-eat-dog mindset is necessary, and the leaders who have historically benefitted from this worldview are the ones that manifest this dynamic more prominently, which further concretizes the worldview. In Western culture especially, we are used to seeing loud, decisive, charismatic leaders and value their vitality and gusto because we inadvertently buy into this dog-eat-dog reality. We may feel the same sense of powerlessness and see a leader who is outwardly powerful and is exercising their power and mistake it for the innate, intrinsic power we all are seeking. And so we put our lot in with leaders who are expressing ego power.
The result is top-down leadership that leaves little room for others input and an authoritarian leadership style where control sits squarely with the leader. There obviously are benefits to this kind of approach, especially when an organization needs a self-sufficient, decisive leader. But overall, we see authoritarian leadership easy prey for ego aggression to run the show and become unnecessarily confrontational and intimidating.
We do not have to look far to see how ego aggression skews decision-making, regardless of the seniority of leadership. If ego aggression is the primary unconscious motivator, we are making decisions through a filter and seeing situational threats where there may be none. What’s more, ego aggression limits the number of different perspectives by the sheer fact that the aggression not only intimidates but takes up all the air in the room. Generally, someone who is functioning with a high degree of ego aggression typically isn’t making decision by committee, but the more significant issue with this is that they also fail to take into consideration the legitimate – and important – perspectives that others have.
Inevitably, when enough of us are compelled by unconscious ego aggression, we collectively contribute to a culture that has allowed and in some ways rewarded:
· Position power as a way to impose one’s will and perspective on others
· Winning at all costs, including the health or well-being of employees
· Valuing the loudest and most decisive person in the room
· Hyper-competitiveness and unrealistic goals
· Motivating through fear and criticism
· Disregarding employees’ feelings and input
· Lack of accountability by blaming direct reports for mistakes
Forbes cited that 58% of employees quit their job due to toxic workplace culture, resulting in $223 billion in turnover costs. Out of the five different kinds of toxic culture Forbes outlined (Hustle Culture, Blame And “Every Worker For Themselves” Culture, Clique Culture, Authoritative Culture, and Fear-Based Culture), three of them have roots in this ego dynamic:
* Blame Culture: “Matt Erhard, managing partner at Summit Search Group, explained, “success is viewed as a limited commodity and mistakes are seen as personal failures rather than learning opportunities. For this reason, employees cover mistakes up or deflect blame instead of putting their effort into fixing the problem and preventing it in the future. This creates an “every person for themselves” mentality, with coworkers viewed as competition rather than collaborators, and leads to gossip, backstabbing, undermining, and other toxic behaviors.”
* Authoritative Culture: “In authoritative cultures, leaders don’t respect the opinions and ideas of employees, making them feel less valued and dejected in the organization.” They keep employees out of the loop because they feel those in non-management positions are inferior with nothing of value to offer.”
* Fear-Based Culture: “In a fear-based culture, employees are silenced by intimidation, abuse, gaslighting, and domination. Employees will do everything they can to avoid punishment, including not taking risks or cutting corners.”
These characteristics obviously vary in degree from organization to organization, but if more than half of employees today are citing toxic work culture as the primary reason they are leaving, we have a long way to go. And despite all the efforts intended to improve well-being and retention, despite the increasing calls for culture change on social media, we are still up against toxic and aggressive work culture because why we perpetuate toxicity is largely unconscious.
Only when we can come back into contact with our innate power will we be able to effectively stop the ego’s compulsion toward external power and aggression. When we realize our intrinsic power and the inherent goodness and security that simply is true, the ego can let go of its filter of a dangerous and unjust world. It can let go of its need to impose power over others. It can let go of its need to avenge its powerlessness.
Join me next week as I deep dive into understanding the inner workings of ego aggression and how to dissolve it through deeper awareness of behaviors, patterns, core beliefs and coming into contact with our intrinsic and authentic power.
