In this episode of The Happy Neurotics, Dr. Todd Berntson and Dannie Reeve dive into the hidden wounds that come from growing up with emotionally disengaged caregivers. Many parents provide for their children physically but struggle to show up emotionally—often because they were never taught how to attune to their own feelings. The result? Invisible children who grow into adults wrestling with self-worth, identity, and connection.
Together, Dannie and Dr. Todd explore how emotional neglect shapes attachment, value, and belonging, and why it often leads to polar opposite behaviors like people-pleasing or narcissism, overachievement or stagnation.
They emphasize the crucial step of reparenting yourself, learning to meet your own needs, set boundaries, and create balance, so you can show up authentically for yourself and others.
This episode is not about blame, it’s about understanding the impact, breaking generational patterns, and reclaiming your emotional wholeness.
👉 If you’ve ever felt unseen, struggled with boundaries, or wondered why relationships feel so hard, this conversation is for you.
⏱️ Timestamps
00:02 – Introduction: How adult emotional disengagement shapes childhood
02:27 – What it means to be disengaged as a parent
03:36 – Dannie’s personal story of feeling unseen and unheard
05:04 – Why good intentions aren’t enough if emotional presence is missing
06:37 – Differentiating effect from blame
08:01 – Generational patterns of emotional neglect
09:56 – Why you must reparent yourself before you can parent others
12:46 – The lasting impact of emotional disengagement into adulthood
13:34 – Loss of identity, low self-value, and attachment struggles
15:19 – Polarities: The underachiever vs. the overachiever
16:28 – Anxious vs. avoidant vs. disorganized attachment
18:00 – Narcissism and people-pleasing as two sides of the same wound
19:48 – Moving from blame to reparenting and self-responsibility
21:04 – Turning judgments of parents into tools for growth
23:13 – Boundaries, balance, and becoming complete vs. “good”
25:27 – Weekly reflection challenge: where are you unbalanced?
27:13 – Practical self-inquiry: “What am I doing this for?”
28:01 – Closing thoughts and invitation to reflect
Key Takeaways:
Emotional neglect is not always intentional—many parents simply lacked the tools.
The impact is real: struggles with identity, low self-worth, and relationship difficulties often trace back to early disengagement.
Polarities matter: the same wound can show up as opposite behaviors (e.g., workaholism vs. stagnation).
Reparenting yourself is essential: you cannot hold space for others until you’ve learned to hold space for yourself.
Balance over extremes: it’s not about becoming “good,” but about becoming whole and authentic.
Reflection tools: notice your triggers, ask “What am I doing this for?”, and practice reorienting toward balance.
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