Coming Out
Coming out” is the personal process of a person accepting and openly sharing their sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or gender identity (LGBTQ+) with others, a journey unique to everyone, involving self-discovery and gradual disclosure.
This can be liberating but also challenging, with no single right way to do it, and it’s a continuous process, not a one-time event, requiring self-readiness and consideration for personal safety. We opt in and out of events in our life, sometimes easily as in wearing different fashions, However, choosing to “come out” as a gay person can be easy or most often, a difficult proposition.
In “All Boys Aren’t Blue” by George Mathew Johnson, George opts out of sports and back in again as he chooses track and football. He opts out of a fraternity then opts in to a brotherhood at his college. This is typical of some gay men who follow the path of opting out of sports in rejecting masculinity.
Stereotypes seem to dominate LGBTQ communities but George seems to be able to ease into sports based on a gradual commitment and a determination to succeed and excel.
At my UK high school I felt like I had to play on the soccer team but was told I wasn’t good enough. I opted into the rugby team instead which was considered second rate. For me the team was a collection of misfits that embraced me. Their masculinity was the badge I needed at time.
In the U.S., there is a dominant traditional masculinity ideology rooted in a subjective and dated image of what men should and should not be.
This ideology is dictated by four main rules: men should not be feminine; men must be respected and admired; men should never show fear; and men should seek out risk and adventure.
Traditional gender role socialization leads men to struggle with four main factors of traditional masculinity: men should be successful, achieve power/status, and readily compete against others; men should restrict their emotions; men should restrict their affectionate behavior with other men; and men should be work/career driven.
Many gay men feel compelled to adhere to traditional enactments of masculinity even if it is not who they truly are. In other words, some gay men may feel pressured to behave “super-masculine” or to “butch it up” in order to be accepted. Yet, other gay men suggested that trying to be masculine may be a futile attempt as simply being gay negates one’s masculinity and makes achieving “true” masculinity unattainable.
The choice is yours!
